Alright - I know you want to know...who could the Beavers hire to replace Mike Riley? Heres my advice to the Oregon State Beavers - top 5 potential suitors: 1. The old guy from Nebraska: Who cares what his name is or if he is a good coach. If we did this, ESPN would notice for a day and we could get some recognition for the PAC-12. And then we could let him go in two years, after Riley doesnt quite live up to expectations in Nebraska and get our coach back. They always come back.... 2. Jim Harbaugh:Hes going to be looking for a job, we all know that and we all love his khaki pants. We could make a viral video everybodys talking bout my khaki pants - it could be just as awesome as that chain saw video!! (What? The chain saw video was stupid? Are you even serious? Do you even know? We didnt steal our first down dance from FSU - they stole it from US! And yes, its a dance! All Beaver fans are good dancers!) (See what kind of madness Harbaugh could bring to Corvallis...) And, Crazy Jim could do a bunch of crazy pressers and wed love to hate him for it, its what Beaver fans do best (see: Coach Mike Riley). 3. Lane Kiffin: Again, this guy is a nut. It would be a great three years until he remembered that winning is awesome and went back to the SEC as a coordinator. Imagine the coverage ESPN would give us... and maybe he could get the Beavers out of their nike deal and go with Under Armor.... so the civil war would get a marketing boost. We could get new unis every week - and we could make grey and pink and red/white/blue options. WE COULD PUT DUCKS ON OUR JERSEYS!!!! Good old Lane would be like a three year stupor that we all deny after he leaves...and again... Riley comes back. 4. Coach Gruden: There is, of course, no way this is happneing. But theres nothing that 25 million cant buy right? (And then his million dollar yearly PERS pension for life would just be a bonus). If Coach Grudem coached field hockey, America would be watching it every Monday night - I dont care who you are, you know this guy can coach anything. With Chucky, we could just get some juco transfers and wed contend all the time - he is the absolute best at taking junk teams and making them magical! (See Super Bowl 37, which were both Gruden teams...both of which are currently terrible...) And Gruden wont coach much defense - it will be all offense all the time, but who even likes defense? Its boring! Lets just onside kick every time, get the ball back, get first downs and do the FSU tomahawk chop dance!! 5. Ray Lewis: Theres really no thinking behind this one. Ray is killer (ummm.... literally....). I have no idea if he could coach anything, but he would motivate the men to at least put forth some effort. And he wears really classy suits, it would be nice. And, wed get way more smoke machines in the stadium for his entrance routines.
Posted on: Thu, 04 Dec 2014 18:37:45 +0000
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