An open letter to the Lazy Husband’s Club: My fellow brothers, I have failed and have disgraced the honor of this club. I am heart sick especially after all your support during the six months it took to put up a basketball goal and the ongoing “garage clean up”. I thought I had things under control when wifey began to talk about a fire pit for the back yard. No rush since it was summer I thought and calculated that I could drag out, er…uh…, I mean successfully execute the tasks required to build a safe, reliable quality fire pit over about three to four months from when she pulled the trigger and said she actually wanted the thing. As with many of these types of ideas much planning is needed – as you all understand. • We need to do research, find exactly the fire pit we wanted • Research for best practices in building a fire pits • Check with Fire Marshal and the local building codes • Develop a materials requirement list • Prepare a budget • Review all of the above • Prepare a Project Plan • Define the Scope of the project • Identify the tasks • Assign resources • Review the Project Plan • Determine the most efficient and effective timeline • Review, contrast and compare availability of work days based on social calendar • Review, contrast and compare availability of work days based on work calendar • Review, contrast and compare availability of work days based on SEC football schedule • Review, contrast and compare availability of work days based on sales brochures form Lowes and Home Depot • Set a start date • Re-review all the above • Re-set a start date • Buy materials over a few weeks • Update Project Plan • Find a Brick Layout Template software to design the base of the fire pit • Learn how to use the Brick Layout Template software • Find another Brick Layout Template software that’s a bit easier to use • Scrape the software idea • Cut construction paper in scales models of Bricks • Re-cut construction paper into proper scales models of Bricks • Layout construction paper models to design base of fire pit • Plan a trip to see Mother-in-Law • Review brick model, oops paper squares and rectangles happened to fall on floor • Re-build brick model • Take off weekend to visit Mother-in-Law • Return some of the purchased materials • Purchase final materials required • Review all the above • Begin a Christmas list • Return some of the purchased materials again • Purchase final materials required again • Plan to start building soon, maybe next weekend • Build fire pit over a few weeks • Compete fire pit – build fire • Purchase logs and fire starter • Re-Build fire • Enjoy the love and respect of a grateful woman Unfortunately, after thirty-one years, wifey is on to the extended planning strategy. This past Saturday she indicates that she wants to go Lowes to “look around” for ideas for a fire pit. I say, “Great, it’s about time to start planning this out.” At Lowes, she pulls out the pictures of the Fire Pit she wants us to build. “OK”, I say, “looks very nice”, thinking it may now only be a six week project. We look at the different type of bricks available - a lot of choices, things are looking better for a longer timeline. Then she pulls out a materials list – “whoa, where did you get that?” I ask. She frankly and quickly explained her vast knowledge of the internet and her ability to verbally communicate with individuals who have built fire pits. I did have to admit and agree with her that building a fire pit was, of course, not like brain surgery. As we were purchasing the materials I suggested that maybe we can plan the brick pattern tomorrow (Sunday). She indicated that today would be good. Now, today happens to be Rivalry Saturday for NCAA Football teams. I have always been under the assumption that Rivalry Saturday was a National Holiday and rightfully so. I was absolutely shocked to discover it is not – and wifey had documented proof. How absurd is that? So the compromise was to layout the design today and build Sunday. After checking the weather reports I became concerned – clear skies and pleasant temperatures – drat. Because this whole idea was sprung on me at the last minute I had not had time to shows signs of any impending illnesses. I was doomed I tell you. The pattern was laid out during halftimes. Sunday was not only the kickoff of the project without any team meetings, reviewing the project plan, or deep analyses, it was the completion date too. After a few hours the hole was dug, bricks were placed, stone ring was placed, and metal ring installed. Fire was build that evening and enjoyed. So my brothers, I will accept whatever penalty you place on me, I am sorry for letting down the club. My only excuse is that I was blindsided. I will be more diligent next time. Sincerely and apologetically, A Lazy Husband, Club Member since 1983 CC: First Wives Club
Posted on: Mon, 01 Dec 2014 23:30:45 +0000