And my 20-20 review of the opposition.... Joel Malcolm - technically flawed when the ball is seaming, prone to caught behinds and LBWs, hates the short stuff and always blames the umpire for his dismissals - A GIRLS BLOUSE really! Andrew Christides - Mini Chicko (roll) - A slap dash crash and basher that probably should be wearing some contact lenses as he has a tendency to miss em by a long way these days - fields like Monty Panesar - well target him for singles and wont be shy to slap them in the air around him - we may let him field with keeping gloves to give him a chance on the day. Chris Robson - Will he read this?! A nice guy wholl probably just roll the arm over gently, pitching it up and looking for a little reverse or a tickle off the seam... a lovely bloke! Craig Blight - Likes to consider himself a technical batsmen but really its like watching paint dry. Voted the Parkers most boring batsmen in the last decade Darren Chard - He would argue he is the more gifted Chard and as such I plan on unleashing my old man George Malcolm on him with the new ball - make sure you wear a helmet Chardy! Geoff Lang - a legend at the Parkers but given his teammates will be pushing him out in a wheel chair, we wont be too concerned about the old steam train. Jason Zambelli - a mystery - similar to the Ashton Aghar appearance for the Aussies at Lords - like Aghar career came to an abrupt end we will do the same to Zambelli - this will be his first and last time on Parkers soil! George Georgia Malcolm this could be another of your victims on the day. Justin Dymott - cant bat, cant bowl and affectionately called custard arm through his days in the 9ths at Sth Croydon CC - as my cousin, I would ask that no-one laugh out loud either during his innings or as he bowls - he is a little sensitive and can embarrass easy, you will understand why when you see him play!!!! Mark Garrett - AKA Twirl - and thats not coz he tweaks it like Warnie. Twirls greatest achievement in cricket was bowling his old man for a duck on the dining room table playing the old Test Match on felt. My team we just need to watch this copper and his sneaky tricks. Mark Purcell - bowls left arm chinamans, bats right handed and throws with either hand - the left and right brains are confused and he doesnt know if hes coming or going - no threat. Chris Brittain - won this medal and that, played country week, for vic what a talent BLAH BLAH - I have earmarked Darren McClenaghans right arm thunderbolts as the perfect recipe to expose this mans many technical flawes. And as far as bowling goes, try all you want to come off the long run and bump the suitcase out of them, but my men Brett Chard and Chico Christides will take that on without a helmet - new ball and all - and spank you straight back over your head. Nick Ruddock - Lawries love child - it will be hard to prise him from the bar, but if we can we will all be blessed to witness the pushing, the prodding and the leaving that made him such an effective opening bat through the 90s avg a solid 8.5 with a strike rate of 15. Please dont pair him up with Blighty Joel, we want the crowd to hang around! Paul Edwards - taken up wicket keeping more recently as the leather ball was hurting his hands too much in the field! Bats a little like Pigeon McGrath with similar avgs - not a great threat, my boys wont be too fussed feathering a few outside off as Pigeon will never hold them. Hopeless! Rowan Charles - AKA Mr Poopy Pants - What will we see from Jeckyl and Hide this Saturday - no doubt a smashed bat or 2. Rowan is the only man to have ever attempted to pull a sand shoe crusher - with the power of an anorexic knat, ill be bringing the field in similar to the aussies on the final day in the 3rd test in South Africa! My team just watch for a flying bat or stump when we dismiss him, give him space, ask him to breathe deeply...it should all be ok... Steve Ruddock - rudda (less) - he loves to steam in off a long run, glare at batsman, sledge and intimidate... but dont be fooled, he will deliver at close 100kph - just a little slower than Nathan Lyons arm ball! As a batsman the same rules apply as per Rowan - give him space, encourage the breathing etc.etc. So my boys as you can tell we are playing a bunch of CLAMPETS who are better suited to the likes of synchronised swimming. We will Sh*t this in!!!!!
Posted on: Wed, 26 Mar 2014 10:43:31 +0000
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