Annoyances By Tracy K. Lorenz January 6, 2015 Any Mom Who Needs to Show Other Moms What a Loving Parent She is When She Drops Her Kid Off at School: Listen up, North Face, when you’re in the conga line of SUV’s you have a lot of time to tell your kids how precious they are and how you can’t wait for the school day to end so you can once again serve their every need. When it’s your turn to pop open the doors to the Denali you should be ready and do it with military precision. It angers me and all the cars behind me when it’s your turn to purge and you have to get out and give each kid a hug before they trudge off to spend their day with the great unwashed. No hugs, no last minute instructions, no back pack checks; you should be like the pilot on an army cargo plane flying over the drop zone. Eyes straight ahead, Go Go Go Go Go! If it were up to me I’d require each car to slow to a crawl as the kids jump and roll like Magnum PI leaving KC’s chopper under small arms fire. We are not impressed by your loving charade, you are hated. People Who Can’t Get in a Car and Drive: If you see someone behind you waiting for your place at the gas pump and/or parking space it would be nice if you could just hop in your car, start it, and move; there’s no need to go through a meticulous sixteen-point AAA checklist. I’ve been watching your car, no one moved your mirrors while you were in the gas station buying scratch off tickets and Vuse refills. I realize your passive aggressive actions allow for a small respite from your miserable home life but I’ve got places to be. (Plus I’m Catholic and believe in the power of prayer in which case you will contact a terminal case of lung worm within the week.) Cashiers Who Don’t Acknowledge Your Existence: Hey there, neck tattoo, I realize cracking open that new roll of quarters takes bomb-diffuser focus but here in civil-land we say “I’ll be with you in a second…” in a cheery tone when paying customers are standing one foot away. You know I’m there, I know you know I’m there, so just give me the nod and things are cool, you’re never going to make it to assistant night manager if you don’t learn basic customer service. People Who Talk a Little Too Loud on their Cell Phone in Public: To tell you the truth, I don’t believe there’s anyone on the other end of that call. If there is someone I bet theyre looking for a rope and a chandelier. People Who don’t do the Courtesy Jog When You Stop to Let Them Walk in Front of Your Car: At least act like you were raised inside the walls of a barn. Manners are the thread that holds society together and that thread can easily be snapped when my car turns into Robosaurus and eats you like Jurassic Park. If only it were true. People Who Swear at Their Kids: What better way to demonstrate your lack of a GED than to let out a Marine Corps string of profanity at a three year old who dared ask for a Snickers Bar; your parenting skills will make for good conversation with the Prison Psychologist in years to come. Maybe if you put on clean pajama bottoms before heading to the store you’d be in a better mood. People Who Protest Police: Assuming all police are bad is no different than assuming all cigar-stealers are thugs or all liberals have dementia. There are bad cops just like there are bad teachers and bad referees, the difference is the teacher and the referee don’t risk their lives on a daily basis to protect your miserable butt. I see so many articles on the Post-Trauma of our troops in the Middle East but I bet being a big city cop is just as bad if not worse. Just imagine what those guys go through on a daily basis, you wouldn’t last two minutes in their shiny shoes. It’s human nature to make judgments based on past experience and cops are no different than anyone else, they’re human, they’re underpaid, and if you do what they ask everybody gets to go home at night. But, thankfully, the weather is getting colder so the protests should die off (like Occupy Wall Street.) It’s amazing how quickly one’s convictions turn when their extremities get cold.
Posted on: Mon, 12 Jan 2015 01:08:15 +0000
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