Anxiety, bipolar disorder and depression have haunted me my whole life. I wasnt diagnosed until about 2 years ago. I take meds to keep me at a place were I can get out of bed and speak to people. If I dont take them its hard for me to talk to people and I can sometimes even get violent. I mask the anxiety and bipolar disorder with medication because I have to to, because it will never go away. I am not ashamed. Instead I feel brave. Its not easy living your entire life, not recognizing the persons voice thats coming out of your mouth saying awful things to others. Or lying awake every night in bed at 7 years old crying because you dont know why you cant stop the same train of emotions circling through your head. That your mom and dad were going to spontaneously die. That you were going to die, and that no one would care. Hurting yourself because you need some kind of release. Something external to give the internal pain justification. Shaking before work or even before seeing a friend because your body wont let you calm down even when you so desperately want it to. I am so lucky to have such an amazing family and great friends. Like I said, I wasnt diagnosed until maybe 2 years ago. And those people, my family and friends were the ones who helped me live when I didnt see the point in living. Yoga and meditation have been great tools for realizing and recognizing things within my life that I did and did not have control of. And with practice helped me control things I once couldnt. I strongly recommend them. We are not crazy and we are not broken. We are brave and we are strong.
Posted on: Thu, 14 Aug 2014 18:02:52 +0000
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