Any one can write anything and make it sound real, Fox dosnt have all the market on that. John Boehner Seeks Comfort In Michelle Obama’s Arms After Drunken Epiphany Posted on September 14, 2013 By WG Government, Politics 1278420_662004810478020_1667365617_nWASHINGTON, D.C. – In a strange twist of events, the Republican Speaker of the House, John Boehner was caught on camera Friday, finding solace in Michelle Obama’s comforting embrace after finally realizing that his Republican Congress was both stupid and evil. “I guess I should have known,” blubbered an almost incoherent Boehner. “I’ve been in Congress for a really long time and I’ve seen a lot of evil. I mean, I’ve seen Jesse Helms, Dick Cheney and Newt Gingrich. Hell, I’m a Republican. Everyone knows that we’re the first party to sell out – every single time. Everyone knows that we’re selfish as hell. I don’t care about that. I’m rich. That’s all I really care about. At least, it was all I really cared about, until now.” “I’ve never seen evil combined with pure stupidity,” continued Boehner. “These guys – (Paul) Ryan (R-WI), (Louie) Gohmert (R-TX), (Steve) King (R-IA), (Rand) Paul (R-KY), (Darrell) Issa (R-CA) – God, I could go on. They all want to destroy the country. They really do. They don’t care if every single person in the country starves to death. I thought maybe if I sat back and let them do their stuff, none of their dirt would land on me, but I was wrong. Last night, after about my second or third bottle of wine, I had an epiphany. I got right in my car and drove over to Paul Ryan’s house and let him have it. I told him that his tax plan was pure bullshit – that rich people like us can afford to pay a few extra bucks. I also told him that shutting down the government over the stupid debt ceiling is a horrible idea! We’ve always raised the debt ceiling. Not raising the debt ceiling is like not paying your credit cards because you’ve charged too much. He wouldn’t listen, though. Then, as I was headed home, I listened to a little Rush. He was talking about you, Michelle.” “It’s okay, John,” Michelle gently stroked his hair. “I don’t care that someone like Rush Limbaugh talks about me. If anything, he’s helping promote my message about doing small things to get healthy.” “You don’t get it, Michelle.” Boehner cried for a full five minutes before regaining composure. “He was attacking you for suggesting an extra glass of water. The hypocrisy. Have you ever been in a room with him? He drinks water like it’s booze. I get it, I think. I mean, those prescription pills give you a horrible case of cotton mouth. This country has been taken over by mean, stupid, crazy people – just because you and Barack are black. I mean, I’m not happy about that either, but I’m not stupid enough to bankrupt the country because of it.” “John,” said Michelle in her most soothing voice. “You are the Speaker of the House. You are arguably the second most powerful man in the country and you are the country’s most powerful Republican. You can put a stop to this idiocy.” “No,” responded Boehner, sounding slightly bemused. “That would be hard. I started my life sweeping a bar room floor. Like Scarlett O’Hara, I swore one day that ‘as God is my witness, I will never lift a finger in hard work again.’ I kept that promise to myself. I hate work and I’m not going to start now. Why do you think I became Speaker of the House? These guys are just going to have to work it out themselves. That’s how I lead.
Posted on: Mon, 16 Sep 2013 04:28:34 +0000
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