As I learn more and more about this condition, I realize just how long Ive had it. Its been years!! But seeing that is a good thing because it puts a lot of things in perspective and answers a lot of questions. It actually started during childhood and has gotten worse over the years. I cant go back and change anything. What I can do is move forward with my life and maybe just maybe right a few wrongs. You see, and most of you on my page can attest to this, I would fight at the blink of an eye most of my life. I put on the act that I liked it when the truth is Ive always felt bad afterward and honestly never wanted to hurt anybody. But hurting people hurt people. Thats a vicious cycle in life that most likely will never change as a whole. Although, we as individuals can make decisions to work thru our problems and to ask for help. Which I think in turn will help things move in a more positive direction. The Lord works in very mysterious ways. We all know that. I believe that he has always seen the great heart I have and has finally had enough of watching me suffer. Maybe its a combination of him and my grandparents. I dont know for sure. What I do know is that it was definitely a higher power that has brought this to the light so that I can understand why Ive always felt this way and do the work to put these demons to rest. Ive had such a negative outlook on life for soooooo long but I now know that it hasnt been all bad. I have had some absolutely terrific people in my life along the way and I want to extend my fullest gratitude to those people. They have been a major influence on me and have made me fight myself harder than Ive ever fought before. Day to day life gets in the way of lots of things if we arent careful. Depression on top of that is a recipe for disaster. This new found information will not change the feelings of those Ive hurt along the way and Ill have to accept that. But I believe that those with a true heart will understand and maybe develop a different opinion. The best advice I can offer at this point is if you have any idea you may be depressed, swallow your pride and talk to your doctor before everything in your life that truly meant anything is gone. Look at the great Robin Williams. He paid the ultimate price for his condition and that is something that cant be undone. So please, talk to someone if you feel the need. It is a sign of strength, not weakness. Nobody can do it alone. Everybody needs somebody......EVERYBODY!!!!
Posted on: Sat, 20 Sep 2014 14:50:37 +0000
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