As I sit here in this defense driving course, the first question they ask you wasWho are the people that you care about? The second question was Who would care if you died? This triggered me to think, wow the two people that care about me unconditionally are not physically here with me. The first questions I ask myself is Why would God take away both of my parents? The second question is Why me? Selfishly, I have been asking myself these questions since my mother passed away. On my birthday, August 21, 2012, I received a call from the hospital while at work that I needed to get to the hospital. That day would change my life forever, they had notified me that my mother had caught the virus, pneumonia while recovering from her bone marrow transplant she had February 3, 2012 ironically also my fathers birthday. This procedure was supposed to cure the cancer she had been conquering on and off for 10 years. Two days from that day my mother passed away, August 23,2012. While my mom was in the hospital, God placed Lance in my life. He would go to the hospital with me everyday to see my mother willingly, lets face it - the hospital is a place no one wants to be. However, we use to have a good time in the room watching tv shows, talking, and reminiscing. Lance and my mother grew to have a great relationship up until her untimely death. I believe Lance is a God send. During those two days while my mother slowly went to be with The Lord, I was spending some alone time with my mom. She was looking out into the hallway and says hes like an angel I turned around and there he was, Lance in the little window peeking in on us. Early August 2012 our daughter was conceived, my mother knew she would be a grandmother. March 14, 2013 Leah Marva Brown was born, the light of my life. Ultimately, the greatest gift from God. This was the greatest day of our lives. She brought happiness back into our home. My father was literally elated with joy, he loved this little girl so much and trust me the feelings were mutual. They were the best of friends, she knew this wonderful man was her grandpa! Leah and I had the pleasure of spending everyday with my dad. He would just observe her; I could literally see the love exude from him. While on maternity leave we would be together every day, he was able to enjoy all of Leahs milestones, from rolling over, to sitting up, to crawling, and finally to walking! Im so thankful for these moments. Throughout these moments of happiness, still I had my spells of sadness. I would often go in my moms office and spend time in there when I needed to grieve. It was one of those days again, I was down the hallway when I realized my father was having a stroke when I heard him on the phone struggling to speak. August 7, 2014 is this really happening again?! Earlier on in the day Leah and I were upstairs with my dad. We were having a discussion, this time it was different. He was holding Leah most of the time and she was laying on his chest which is unusual in itself because she is typically trying to run around. We had exchanged the words I love you I remember my father specifically saying I love you, Lance and Leah, these were some of the last words I heard my father speak, little did I know. Three days later my father passed away after being unconscious from the time he left home to the time he entered the ICU on August 10, 2014. Previous to my father passing I had been feeling different, for lack of better words. God had been pulling me in closer. I was feeling very sad approaching the 2 year anniversary of my mothers death. I usually keep my emotions to myself because I didnt want to bring anyone down with me. So I decided to turn to God, I would ask him to please point me in the right direction to find answers. Fast forwarding to now, I look at this as a blessing. God was mentally preparing me for my fathers death. People often ask me How do you do it? Or say comments like, I would just die, I dont know how you do it, youre such a strong person. My impression is What do you expect? A lot of people dont realize that I am given no choice but to be strong, I cant fold, Im not going to kill myself, or let myself go. My mother and father did not raise a weak person and if I did any of those things that would really disappoint them. I will continue to live my life knowing my parents are watching over me. I want to make them happy and I will do just that. I can feel their presence with me, Im surrounded by my own personal angels, continually blessing me. At the end of August I received a call offering me a job. I have my own office in the city where people respect and look up to me. Plus its rewarding and at the end of the day I know I have made a difference in someones life. I will continue to follow in my parents footsteps, who better to emulate then my own parents. They have always been my role models and continue to be. I will continue to work hard and prepare for my daughters future. I will continue to smile and think happy thoughts because life is too short. I will keep my memories close to my heart. God works in mysterious ways but I now have my beautiful family to be there for. I will continue to walk by faith and not by sight. All in all I will never forget these two that gave me life. They will continue to live on vicariously through me. Happy 34th anniversary to my beautiful parents, I do have some reassurance that you two are together again...Your loving daughter Melissa Joi
Posted on: Sat, 20 Sep 2014 22:20:01 +0000
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