As another holiday approaches, those of us who have lost a child must face our family and friends and put on our brave and happy act so that we dont make any one else uncomfortable. I believe the most difficult loss of all is the loss of your child. Nothing makes sense anymore. I mean it goes without saying that every parent wants their child to outlive them, have an amazing life and find more happiness than we could have ever imagined. A piece of our hearts is gone forever so no matter how we try, we cannot help but always be broken. We throw ourselves into our work and volunteering. We pray no one sees us choking back the tears. And on the occasion when we are actually happy for a while, we feel tremendous guilt and shame. How can we feel happiness when we lost a child? The dramatic emotional ups and downs that we endure are endless. My daughter is getting married in 133 days! My heart is filled with joy for her and my wonderful son in law. My son is loving his college life and living his life to the fullest. (That was his brothers motto) Yet I feel paralyzed as I know other bereaving parents do, because I dont know how to move forward without my son. I see photos and videos of his friends partying, graduating, getting engaged or married and even having babies! I wont see that for my son. But seeing the friends he loved so dearly happy and growing up brings me solace as well as pain. There go those dramatic emotional changes. Easter is a celebration of rebirth and confirmation that we will see our loved ones once again when we arrive in Heaven. Until then, I promise my beautiful son, Michael, that I will follow his words and live my life to the fullest and I will honor his life and memory every day of my life. To all of my brothers and sisters living this new normal Happy Easter. This is OUR holiday. Celebrate Life. Renewal. Family. And Hope. The hope that one day our children will hold out their arms and say Welcome Home Forever Mom. I have missed you.
Posted on: Fri, 18 Apr 2014 02:26:17 +0000
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