As if I couldnt feel any worse.. still awake, mind running circles. Its been like this for a week now.. I dont know if Im losing it or Ive already lost it, and that could pertain to many things.. Either way I feel lost, therefore I must be. So many questions.. I need to pull out of this funk, but it is not easy. Especially when Im on my own.. All these friends, family; very few understand. Most have forsaken me. I wish I could fix it all. I wish I could be who and what everyone wants me to be, I really do.. But this is something I cannot do alone. Hell, I dont even know how I need help or assistance, or just support. I cannot be alone in this. I refuse to accept that.. Im not that type of freak. I dont understand my thoughts sometimes. I cant rationalize some actions. If I could control these things by The Goddess I would. But I try. All I can do is try.. And watch myself fail again and again. Watch another life twisted, although that was never my intent. Im sure what to do anymore. I feel as though I have no one to turn to; no one to confide in.. I know people hate to see this crap on here, and I apologize. Feel free to tease, be-little, and chastise all you want. But Ive been trained well so ill end with.. Im sorry, its all my fault, and everything I said was wrong. Im an asshole, a loser, a bad father, and second rate friend. I guess when I put it that way, then whats the point. Right? I need someone to understand, to listen. No I told you so, or its all your fault (I figured that out). Otherwise I have once again wasted my time and effort..
Posted on: Thu, 27 Mar 2014 10:57:44 +0000
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