As many of you already know, in December 2012 I was forced to retire from teaching due to the aftereffects of a gangrene infection. The consequence of long-term diabetes, it caused me to lose a portion of my left foot, as well as my kidney function. On Thursday I was told for the first time that during my last operation I had gone into cardiac arrest for over three minutes. I knew during my first amputory surgery my heart had gone into fibrillation; but, this news of complete arrest during the second came to me completely unexpected. My physician was surprised that no one had apprised me of it and, he had not mentioned it only because he thought I already knew. This has disturbed me since. When I told my wife of this new revelation, all she could so was hold me tightly as if she were afraid to let go. For years I have read accounts of near-death experiences in which one travels through a long tunnel, after which deceased loved ones greeted them. Or, the many stories of people who have hovered over their own bodies, looking on as medical personnel worked frantically to save them. Neither situation happened to me: I simply went to sleep and at the conclusion of the procedure, I awakened with terrible throbbing in my chest. Anyone who has stood at the brink of the abyss knows that such an experience fundamentally changes a person; and, it most assuredly does. Since that second operation I have known just how lucky I am to be alive, especially when so many others I have loved have passed away. It has made me more contemplative towards the very act of living. This experience has made me examine carefully all that am and the events that shaped my thinking. I know my believing friends will inevitably attempt to convince me that a numinous being saw fit to spare me; but, I do not believe that notion for one skinny minute. I am here because of a skilled and knowledgeable medical team with the required expertise: That is all and that was enough. The object of living for me now is to finish all the projects I started and to realize all the dreams I put on hold in order to become a loving husband, a doting father, teacher and mentor. To accomplish this I cannot waste a moment regretting what I cannot change. I must live each day as if it were my last and savor each experience as if it were the first. Though I am indebted to many for my life, the finest accolade I can provide to them is to live it with gusto and purpose; and, in the process, leave this place in a better shape than as I found it!
Posted on: Mon, 21 Apr 2014 14:10:23 +0000
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