As my friend Jonathan who posted this stated If you are in a relationship, or looking to be in one in the future, this article is worth reading. Twice. Perhaps some of it will be new, perhaps it seems like common sense, however its never a bad thing to reinforce or be conscious about the deliberate effort to acknowledge and be generous with those you care about. Empathy, as well as consideration. The article discusses divorce analysis and prediction, and this and the fight or flight response stuff is particularly interesting. I also first mused only a few years ago that the heady, exciting rush of being interested in someone new may simply be grounded in fears--instinctual, socialized and based on past experiences or anxieties. I also found that as I got older, the women I have been really drawn to give me a profound sense of calm and security--and I hope they felt the same. Anyone in a relationship should provide that feeling for the other. The article discusses cultivating this through recognizing others bids for support instead of criticizing or snubbing what is perceived as an insignificant matter--even the small stuff is all about emotional connection. Being an ideal active constructive person is natural for some, but it takes effort to be this way for most. Among the very good points the article mentions, they use an analogy that kindness could be looked at like a muscle--rather than something one is born with or without. Acts of generosity and selfless giving beget other acts of reciprocation, and it is important that people try to carry this philosophy into all relationships--whether they are romantic or not. By doing so, one exercises this muscle and it simply becomes easier to flex and second nature. The cynical alternative is to assume everyone is trying to take advantage of you, and then yourself become stingy, defensive and perhaps even selfish. If you subconsciously react to your loved one in the same automatic fight or flight way, perhaps one could be unfortunately conditioned to not trust anyone--even the one closest to them. In a similar vein, there was a researcher who said that love was down to physiological/biochemical things, like micromoments of positivity resonance, which some people really hated because it seemed to detract from the idea of romance. However, I thought this was brilliant, because it seemed empowering--that one could deliberately work at cultivating as many of these experiences as possible with someone, that it could be something to practice and collaborate on consciously. As spring comes to a close, summer begins and wedding season is about to reach its peak, I wish you happily ever after, and the knowledge that one has more power and responsibility in influencing this than many can imagine. Im grateful to be mostly surrounded by people that hold similar values and understanding. Parneet Mirna Jenrissa Eric Wing Josée Jana Jana Akané Vanessa Sarah Tara Natasha
Posted on: Wed, 18 Jun 2014 14:38:21 +0000
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