As perfect as I wanna be, never will I be!! The things we talked about tonight as I laid my biggest weakness on the table was honest.. Youve told me no one else matters, and your right.. BUT WE MATTER!! Ive stayed extremely calm to breaking down crying to the point I felt I couldnt breathe.. Its crazy I think when we 1st talked it was you hitting me up and me just being bz and always working.. but you never skipped a beat and was always i was jus like HEEEEY!! For 2 1/2 years I stayed away from any man, TILL YOU.. I remember me getting off work getting home at midnight you driving for 40 mins just to get me and to drive for 40 more mins jus to be next to me for a few hrs before 4am came, work always called for you or me! But we BOTH made the time for each other. It worked we worked.. I was so afraid to open up and give you my heart for its been broken before.. I said I love you 1st and boy that took a lot to say, then you said some bs, I LIKE YOU A LOT... lol thats a dickhead move lol.. but I didnt push u.. we still hung out you still liked me alot!! :) then one day we got pizza and both our lifes changed a few days later.. I got that text at work you was in the hospital :( my heart sunk.. when I walked in I sat next you, held your hand the tears ran down my face.. at that moment I knew I truly loved you and I was mad god let this happen to you..( ive been extremely mad about you getting sick,it wasnt fair. No-one has asked me how I felt) I want you around for as long as I possibly can have you here, thats why testing your sugar was/is so important to me!! At that moment I put all my focus on you.. Work wasnt so important to me, being there for doctors appointments when you got off so I could cook for you or to simply sit with you and mans playing games.. When you got sick I pictured life without you and it was heartbreaking.. I didnt want to miss anything with you, I never wanted to miss a beat. Thats why your games, and man games became so important. Thats why what you needed took priority.. I never wanted anything, I jus wanted you to be happy and healthy and okay! I had good intentions I truly did.. you exist to me.. when I wake your suppose to be next to me, your not there..your suppose to answer to my babe,but you dnt..every night youd lay your head in my lap and Id rub your head till your eyes shut, but my laps empty..you use to make me laugh till my side hurt,but I havent smiled..all the times I drove and u heard sirens and asked if I was ok cause u got scared for BOSS of course lol, but my phones empty.. Kitchens empty cause your not telling what to cook for dinner.. you became my every thing you exist to me cause the moment my eyes open, till they close your what I think about.. neither one of our days is the same :( and all I can say is I want this to change.. Mister Carter I love you!!
Posted on: Tue, 06 Jan 2015 07:11:37 +0000
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