Ask yourself why your value depends on what other people think. Today a friend and I discussed some common experiences growing up. In my case, one of my earlier childhood memories after coming to the United States was my dad telling me that I played too loud and that it reflected badly on him and my mom, the Woo clan and all Chinese. In addition our parents were infected with the Tiger parents syndrome where everything was based on comparison and competition and nothing was adequate unless it was perfect. The infection pervaded everything that I did - from sports to my career. Yesterday I saw an acquaintance and asked how he liked his retirement. He answered that he loved loving life and is so appreciative of the fact that he didnt tie his self-worth to his occupation (lawyer) or accomplishments. He told me that he has friends who retired and rail at the television in depression and misery because they no longer were important. I told my friend today that rather than chasing ego away when it appears with ideas of self-importance, I catch myself and laugh. I also note the reappearance of a desire that can never be satisfied and make that reappearance a focus of meditation and contemplation practices for a while. In this way, I dont have to solve or fix anything when the desire arises. Instead, I defer to time for sitting and letting a process take place, where resources beyond my ego are available and can enter. The analytical, conceptual and intellectual mind uses inferior tools for insight. The language of the intellect is already limited by definition by the words, concepts, rules and philosophies that are implicit in language. Whereas, the true language of the Heart is vast. When I want to be patted on the back, to get another persons approval, to measure what I am by another persons grades, etc., etc., they are all variations of the idea that my value depends on what other people think, and therefore my happiness depends on what other people think. So I suggested that my friend do the same thing that Ive done using whatever approaches he wants - writing, meditation, mindfulness - so that a process can begin to let go of a desire that can never be satisfied.
Posted on: Sun, 20 Oct 2013 01:14:49 +0000
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