#AskUs A Sister wrote to us: assalam o alaikum! you have explained very nicely regarding the girl to be marry. it will be helpful for many sisters if you also explain the qualities of a guy to be marry. Answer: Walekum salam wr wb Prophet sallalaho alayhi wassalam said: When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied, asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth. (Tirmidhi) The rule is simple. A man is to be married for religious commitment and taqwa. If that man is handsome and well off (financially), then thats a fazal of Allah and a plus point. But this is no criteria. Thousands of handsome men are out there, making lacs per month, but having affairs outside of marriage, treating wives badly, and doing injustice. Whats the use of a handsome and rich man, when he cannot be committed to his wife and does not give her her rights? A God fearing man, on the other hand, will have mistakes, but will also have the capacity to see his mistakes and because of fear of Allah, want to correct his mistakes. A man who offers prayer can do injustice, but not for long. A man who does not pray, has no relation what so ever with religion, is more prone to do injustice for long and not even realize the injustice. Unfortunately, today people ONLY see the pay of the guy, and give their daughter to such a person. Sadly, not only non religious people do this, but also religious. When it comes to marrying their daughter, the most important thing for them is money and then religion. Intention matters the most, whatever we do in life. With whatever intention we take a step, it will go a long way to effect our lives. It is understandable that financial status is something that cannot be ignored, but making it the first priority, and the only criteria, is plain materialistic thinking. Now the criteria is obvious. 1- Character 2- Religious commitment The thing to elaborate is what is meant by character and religious commitment? Its amazing how some females fall for a guy merely by reading his statuses, articles, or listening to a lecture of some daee on youtube, or lively performance on stage, or by listening to tilawat, and they think this is the ideal religious man to marry. Sorry for such blunt analysis. But this is whats happening and needs to be addressed. There is a qari in Islamabad, who has such beautiful voice, and women who pray behind him want to marry this qari simply because of the beautiful tilawat. Its a very famous tale in Islamabad. Might we ask, does a beautiful voice define character? And religious commitment? (Not that this qari is of bad character, but is good tilawat enough to declare who to marry and who not to?) What is character? A Character has many attributes. When we say he is a man of character, we just dont mean that he is a very well mannered guy. It maybe that a well mannered guy is characterless. Because character is not just good manners. A well mannered guy, who can talk softly and knows how to deal in a great manner with people, might be doing injustice with people by doing fraud. There are many people out there with great akhlaq, but devouring properties of others, not giving others rights and doing fraud. So understand what is character. Some of the qualities of good & sound character: 1- Mature 2- Responsible 3- God fearing 4- Good akhlaq 5- Good manners 6- Humility 7- Patience & perseverance Suppose someone marries a man who is a great daee on youtube, very charismatic, and great voice, but after marriage it turns out that man is very irresponsible when it comes to family matters. He is very disorganized and does not have manners to meet people. He is self centered and very arrogant and uncompromising. What will happen? Religious commitment, on the other hand, is not only setting good statuses on facebook, and talking good about Islam, it is actually the practical implication of religion in ones life. May Allah make all of us amongst such people. ameen. Now the biggest question. How to find such a guy? Pray. Make much supplication. There are great supplications told by Prophet pbuh in this regard. One book is Wa iyya ka nastaeen by alhuda pubications. Its an excellent book which also has an app. It contains such supplications. Also, good fathers are very experienced and they can easily judge the character of a potential candidate. Moreover, another way to find out about the candidates sense of responsibility and maturity is to find out from his close friends. Its very easy. The brother of the girl can ask the guys close friends. Also the family defines a lot how the guy will be. Since he has been raised in the family and will resemble habits of father/mother. One thing worth clearing here is the fact that many people become mature and responsible after getting married. Marriage brings good changes in them. However there is no 100% guarantee of this and so maturity and sense of responsibility must be seen before marriage. Many do not change and their wives cry all life. May Allah help everyone who is striving to find a righteous partner. May Allah help us follow the sunnah of His beloved Messenger in every aspect. JZK KHAYR
Posted on: Fri, 15 Aug 2014 18:50:54 +0000
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