*Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh* Single brothers and sisters One day a sister dropped by to pick up something and saw me dressed up with make-up and jewelry, so she assumed I was going somewhere. When I told her I wasn’t, she was surprised why I was dressed up at home. I told her, “Because it is about time for my husband to return from work.” She said, “You still get ready for your husband?” “Yes, what do you mean “still”?!” I asked. She said, “I used to do that in the beginning of the marriage and then I don’t it anymore.” Unfortunately this is a common scenario amongst many Muslim married sisters. Often times, when couples/sisters approach me for marital advice, one of the most common complaints husbands have against their wives is that the wives don’t beautify themselves at home. I have personally observed many Muslim sisters stop taking care of themselves once they get married. Some married sisters only dress up when they go out and some don’t even bother with that. For some, abaya and hijab become a perfect “cover up” for outside the house and a t-shirt and sweat pants become the perfect clothing for inside the house! Reasons Why Sisters Don’t Dress Up: I cannot generalize the reasons why sisters stop taking interest in taking care of themselves at home, but I want to highlight 2 main points: 1.Sisters assume if they get married to practicing brother, he will not be interested in their looks but rather in their imaan. They believe their beauty lies in their “piety.” 2.Husbands don’t express their desire in seeing their wives dressed up, or when their wives dress up they don’t compliment them, which confuses the wife into thinking, “He does not care.” Beauty and Piety are Two Separate Characteristics: Let’s remember, piety may add to a person’s inner beauty which may reflect through physical appearance; however, they both are independent characteristics. There is no prohibition in looking good; in fact, to physically beautify oneself in order to please one’s husband and keep him happy is not only a praiseworthy act but also a means to earn reward from Allah azza wa jall. When the Prophet sallallahu alihi wasalam was asked which woman was best, he replied, “The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command….” (Nasa’i) Hence, sisters, please on a daily basis before your husband returns home: ¦Take a shower (make sure you are not smelling like food) ¦Change your clothes. ¦Wash you face with cleanser/scrub. ¦Put light make up on. Please don’t use the excuse, “I don’t know how to.” ¦Wear some jewelry. ¦Show some creativity with your hair. Remember frizzy hair can be taken care of with gel, mousse, hair spray, hair straightener etc. ¦Use your perfume everyday and not only when you visit a friend. Moreover, try to get a facial done once in a while. If you can’t afford to, there are millions of products available at very reasonable prices for home facials/deep cleaning. Dear sisters, abaya should not be used to cover up weight gain, and neither should the hijab keep frizzy/unkempt hair covered. I understand that a t-shirt and sweat pants are the most comfortable clothing but it needs to be changed before your husband get back home. Husbands: Pay Attention & Don’t be Stingy with Words: In the early days of marriage, since husbands are “new,” it is important to look good. As the time passes and the couple becomes more comfortable around each other, it is only natural to become more informal. I remember the first time I wore my glasses in front of my husband was after SIX months of our marriage! Compliments are incentives for looking good. For non-hijaabis it is easier to stay focused about their looks since their appearance is visible in public. On the other hand, once a person is covered behind abaya and hijaab, it is easier to become careless about one’s appearance because ‘who is going to look’. This is where husband’s attention and compliments become essential. A wife desires attention from her husband. If she feels her husband appreciates her dressing up and taking care of herself, it will encourage her to take care of herself. Hence, husbands please: ¦Pay attention to your wife on a daily basis ¦Show interest in her looks, clothes and her overall appearance ¦Encourage her by buying her clothes you would like her to wear ¦When she is dressed up, make sure you praise her. ¦When she is not, remind her gently Marriage is a mutual bond of understanding and give and take. This issue, too, requires an effort on both sides. Lastly, a piece of advice for the parents of girls: ¦Please train your daughters to take care of themselves from a young age. ¦Instill a habit of working out regularly so they become accustomed to maintaining their physique. ¦Allow them to wear jewelry at home and even let them try out make up so when they get married wearing make-up and jewelry does not become a “burden” but rather a daily ritual. ¦Train them to dress nicely and appear pleasant every day at home in front of their family. By taking these subtle steps you prepare them for some lifelong habits that will only make their marital life more pleasant inshaAllah. Dear brothers & sisters, please invite your loved ones to join this page. { Islam is the Religion of Peace الحمد لله } ~ SHARE to gain Ajr (Reward). JazakAllah https://facebook/1529606063961249/photos/a.1530006847254504.1073741828.1529606063961249/1550172675237921/?type=1&relevant_count=1
Posted on: Sun, 25 Jan 2015 10:10:31 +0000
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