At this point the only one’s in the room were Ken, myself & our 2 beautiful boys. I remember staring at Lelyn in total disbelief with tears rolling down my face like a fast moving river but everything else around me felt like it was in slow motion…..Ken has always been my rock and to see him drop to his knees with tears rolling down his face, absolutely killed me even more inside. My family had came back into the room a few minutes later and we were all stunned, not knowing what to say, the only thing any of us could do at this point was just cry. My older sister and my mom decided to take Aedeyn home with them to help us out especially now that we didn’t know what was going to happen with Lelyn. Everyone had left and Ken and I just sat there in the room holding our newborn son not knowing what to think. As a parent you have all these hopes and dreams for your child, you never think that something could happen but I guess I was nieve. You can read all the books, do everything right, have all the tests come back perfect and guess what……Something still can happen and it is completely out of your control. After about an hour or so after everyone left, Ken’s brother and fiance came into visit & then Lelyns delivering Pediatrician came into the room with papers in his hand. He asked how we were doing and you could tell he truly cared about what was going on. He stated that he had done some research and handed us these papers that said the word Anophthalmia as the headline. Anophthalmia? Never heard of the word in my entire life and we read on. Then there was those words again “No Eyes” …….. His pediatrician was a traveling pediatrician from Madison and worked at Children’s Hospital for many years and was from France. He said that this condition “Anophthalmia” was what he suspects Lelyn has but he couldn’t say for sure 100%. He then stated that in his career he has seen this once in 38 years and it was only in one eye (microphthalmia) not in both. After we spoke with him for awhile, just going over everything in my pregnancy and evaluating Lelyn again he left the room and said he would be back in the room to check on him. My parents came back to the hospital later that night with us and last thing I remember was my Dad rubbing my forehead and telling me to go to sleep, everything will be all right….. I woke up in the morning, honestly thinking everything was just a nightmare and it wasn’t for real until I picked up Lelyn expecting to see those beautiful eyes wide open staring at me but then the realization reset back in, it wasn’t a nightmare this is really happening, his eyes were still closed. I could see some type of movement in the one lid but nothing in the other, it was more sunk in then the other. The nurse came in that morning and I requested to have my doctor come in that I wanted to talk to him again. He came in and we both sat there with confused looks on our faces discussing everything. I asked if there was a way of telling this before he was born via ultrasound but the eyes aren’t a major organ the ultrasound techs check for during your 20 week ultrasound. The main things they check are placenta, heart, kidneys and etc. No one would’ve ever of thought to check for eyes right!?!! Those just come with the package you think….Well God proved me wrong on that one ;-) Lelyn’s hearing was also checked that day (as all newborns are) and I couldn’t help but think the worse, what if he couldn’t hear too???? Well the nurse came back with his hearing screen results and the Right ear came back good but the Left ear came back “Referral” which means he would need it checked again ( that parts a whole other venture to talk about but he DOES have his hearing in both ears, one not as good as the other but hey you‘ll have that! No ones is perfect in both) . She stated 90% of the newborns don’t pass the tests while in the hospital, it was probably nothing to worry about. The rest of that day was just family and close friends coming to visit. We had no new news to report to anyone while we were at the hospital the next couple days, this has never happened at the hospital before so everyone in the birthing center was researching and being extremely supportive to us, I can’t thank all my nurses enough, they were there for me, I was a complete stranger to them but they came in and sat and talked to me, they even lended there shoulder for me to cry on, they were AMAZING! We were discharged Monday morning with an appointment to see a Pediatric Ophthalmologist at Children’s Hospital in Milwaukee at 8am Thursday morning. It was kind of a relief to go home after being away for 5 days and not having to leave right from the hospital and drive to Milwaukee. I needed a day break and I thought going home I would relax better but it was the complete opposite. I walked in the door of our house and it all hit me again. I saw how we had everything set up down stairs for the baby, I walked upstairs and stood in the doorway of his room, I looked at his crib, his toys, how his room was painted and thought of how proud Aedeyn was for helping his Daddy paint his little brothers room jungle colors…. To realize that Lelyn would never be able to visually see his room made me breakdown again and I walked out of the house and went outside and screamed.. I screamed & I screamed as loud as I could to get rid of this feeling inside of me…..I was so angry inside, Why our son???? Why us???????? WHY!!!?????
Posted on: Thu, 15 Aug 2013 04:11:36 +0000
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