Aug 22 , 10:58pm was the best thing happened to my life .. I gave birth to a cute little baby boy I cant explain the joy that filled my heart when I heard him cry . It was so soothing , so relaxing , so cute ! It was the most beautiful song to my ears . but the lonely part is , hes only 6months and 1 day old . Aug. 23 I was in the birthing center resting , but because My baby is premature I need to bill out first before seeing him . -2pm We went to NiCU .. I saw my baby , his condition really broke my heart I cried out my heart it was so painful seeing your son with that thing on his nose and he was so small and thin , but at the same time I was also happy seeing him alive and strong . He was sleeping , but at the time he heard my voice he cried .. I also cried , Maybe hes telling me that he doesnt want me to go . Then the nurse told me I can hold him .. I held his small hands , my hands were shaking while holding him he was so thin and small when he felt my hands touching his he stopped crying and start smilling , Oh then my tears flowed with joy . It was the cutest & calming smile I ever seen . Then I start talking to him , hes nodding his head like Go mommy ! I know you can do it! But that happy time ends when the doctor talked to me even we have all the equipments and vitamins your baby needs we still cannot assure the life of your baby I prayed and prayed and prayed . I told God Im ready to have sleepless nights just to be with him , Once I recovered from giving birth Ill find a decent job and Ill go to school at the same time . And Ill be a mom to him when I got home . Every I got my sallary I want to buy him the best clothes , the best toys , the best diaphers, milk, food anything . I was ready to forget about myself just to give him everything . But then again , I remember him suffering by those painful medicines they were giving him .. Then I cried and prayed to God again , Lord, I dont know how to decide for myself its really hard because its my sons life Im deciding with .. but Lord if his going to suffer much more longer , Please God its all up to you , Ill be the one who must suffer not him . If hes going to suffer all that pain please lord do what you must . I will take all the pain and sufferings . Lord , I love my son so much thanks for giving him to me. Aug.24 , 3:40am .. kuya wake me , he said the doctor wants to talk to me . Then we went to NICU . That was The first time I saw his pretty face , without the oxygen on his nose replaced by the painful tube in his mouth . his cute eyes , his pointed nose , his perfectly shaped lips and especially he gained weight he was so handsome , so perfect , so beautiful , so innocent . I was so happy back then but when I turned my back to talk to the doctor , I saw the nurse checking the heartbeat of my baby .. they took of the tube that was connecting to his mouth and changed it to something like a balloon that they were pressing to give oxygen . then they start pumping my sons little chest ! I felt like the whole world fell on me , I can feel my heartbeat all over my body , I was shaking , it was so painful ! I dont know what to do .. I wanted to save him , I wanted to hug him and say everythings gonna be alright mommys here beside you , I wanted to give my life to him just for him to come back to life , I cant explain the pain , then the next thing happen was , the nurse gave me a box . The box where my Son is .. I can still feel the warmth of his body , I thought to myself he shouldnt be there inside a box ! HE SHOULD BE IN MY ARMS SLEEPING !! HE SHOULD BE FEED BY MOMMYS MILK !! HE SHOULD ALSO FEEL THE WARMTH OF HIS MOTHER EMBRACE ! :( HE DESERVES TO FEEL HIS MOTHERS LOVE ! HE DESERVE TO LIVE ! But I have to accept the fact that his gone , he doesnt need to suffer more cause his in the arms of the LOVING GOD now . My first hugged was were hes laying inside the box . I hugged and kissed the box before we burried him . That was my 1st hug and kissed to him . My longing turned into a bad and unfair me , I sinned against God , I asked him WHY , why me ? Why my son ? Your so unfair !! You didnt give me the chance to be with him . Is it because I did not obey you thats why u took the only happiness in my life ? Doesnt I deserve to be happy ? Then just now , really just now . I REMEMBERED MY PRAYERS , HE GAVE ME A BABY , I PRAYED FOR A SON.. HE GAVE ME A SON , HE GAVE ME CHANCE TO BE HAPPY BUT I DIDNT TOOK CARE OF IT . HE GAVE ME THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIFT BUT I DIDNT LOVED THAT GIFT THAT MUCH WHEN HE WAS STILL IN MY BELLY . ! I was so being unfair with God , all he just did was to make my paths straight and for me to be happy . He gave me an angel . The little man who made me feel so loved . the one who saved me from the guy I was about to spend my life with . He was the greatest gift and happiness God had ever gave me ! Im sorry Lord for being unfair . Thanks for loving me please kissed and hugged my baby kiel for me ..
Posted on: Wed, 24 Sep 2014 05:43:19 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015