BALANCING MY PERFECT IMPERFECTIONS I have been told throughout my life that I have a very passionate personality, with that passion comes a price. My issues with everyday life were very interesting to say the least. I have found a way to create a sense of balance in my everyday living by first understanding that I am not perfect and as long as we are here on earth I will never be perfect. Now this sounds simple, but for me this was very difficult to understand. It was not that I did not want to lead a healthy peaceful life, it was simply out of my reach. It seemed impossible for me to lead this perfect life that was expected of me. I tried, I went for counseling, signed up for every church event I could, I even got prayed over several times at many different Churches. I would get filled for the hour but nothing stayed with me. Eventually the frustration got the best of me and I would slowly start to give up. I never really understood the expectations I was setting for my self and sometimes even by other Christians. I was destined to fail because I was trying to handle the many sins obtained over my life all alone. What I could not understand, while I was trying to make my life perfect, my imperfections were slowly devouring me. It was easy to blame other Christians who would look at me wrong or maybe my closet sins which was my own guilt and blaming others as well as myself would start the downward spiral for me. I would let fear, frustration and guilt set the platform in my life and soon It would begin to eat at my everyday outlook on life, all coming from trying to be a good Christian. For me, my expectations I set for myself were not only unreasonable they were impossible. Going in public was a struggle for me, my anger and frustrations were no longer hidden, they surfaced for everyone to see. Sin is tricky like that. Soon I was out of control in my thoughts and my actions. My sins could now be seen by everyone but me. Several years and a ton of therapy later, I have found that my balance with God has been a very simple step of obedience and understanding, he is in control and I do nothing without my fathers permission. Once you submit your life to him everything is so much easier, but first we must come to the simple understanding that we are not perfect and we will all sin, we are human. He would rather have us the way we are than not at all. I finally came to a point in my life when I had tried everything when nothing worked, I finally said “Here I am Lord broken and a mess, do you still love me?” Then I could finally understand that the expectations I was setting for my self were not God setting them or even other Christians, the expectations that I put on myself were by me. I had to start the detox of my own sins, I began to have a full understanding of who I really was. By understanding that my perfect imperfections were not only understood, they are forgiven! My father loves us and he knows my every thought, he knows what I am going to do before I do it and he loves me anyway. If he could love me like that he loves each and every one of us, even with all your imperfections, we are perfect in his eyes. Our word shows us how he loves us, you can’t hide from him, he is always with us. PSALMS 139 O LORD, O LORD, Thou hast searched me and known me. 2 Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising; Thou understandest my thought afar off. 3 Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. 4 For there is not a word on my tongue, but lo, O LORD, Thou knowest it altogether. 5 Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid Thine hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. 7 Whither shall I go from Thy Spirit? Or whither shall I flee from Thy presence? 8 If I ascend up into heaven, Thou art there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, Thou art there. 9 If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea. 10 even there shall Thy hand lead me, and Thy right hand shall hold me. 11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,” even the night shall be light about me. 12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from Thee, but the night shineth as the day; the darkness and the light are both alike to Thee. 13 For Thou hast possessed my reins. Thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Thy works, and that my soul knoweth right well. 15 My substance was not hid from Thee when I was made in secret, and intricately wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being imperfect; and in Thy book all my members were written, which in continuity were fashioned, when as yet there were none of them. 17 How precious also are Thy thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them! 18 If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand; when I awake, I am still with Thee. 19 Surely, Thou wilt slay the wicked, O God. Depart from me therefore, ye bloody men. 20 For they speak against Thee wickedly, and Thine enemies take Thy name in vain. 21 Do I not hate them, O LORD, that hate Thee? And am I not grieved with those that rise up against Thee? 22 I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them mine enemies. 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts. 24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 17:28:10 +0000