BEST MAN SPEECH (BEFORE I CHANGED IT) I ACTUALLY DON’T HAVE ANY HAND NOTES, BUT DON’T WORRY, I WONT BE PUTTING AN EMPTY CHAIR BESIDE ME TO CONVERSE WITH. MARK MAY WORK IN HOLLYWOOD, BUT PRESENTLY I THINK WE’RE CLOSER TO WESTWOOD THAN EASTWOOD. EVERYBODY, TURN AROUND A SECOND... (REMOVES NOTES FROM SHOE). I SAID I DIDN’T HAVE ANY HAND NOTES, BUT I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT FOOTNOTES. WELL, WHERE TO BEGIN. AH, THREE BEST MEN. HOW COOL IS THAT? THAT’S A FIRST, AS FAR AS I KNOW, OR MAYBE I SHOULD SAY A THIRD. WHEN I TOLD MARK WE WERE GOING TO SING IN TENOR, I NOTICED HIM BECOMING VISIBLY NERVOUS, SO TO LIGHTEN IT UP A BIT, I SUGGESTED WE’D SING IN ALTO INSTEAD. THEN HE REALLY GOT SCARED. BUT REALLY, STANDING BESIDE THESE OTHER TWO GUYS, THE GROOMSMEN, BEFORE MY AWESOME BROTHER AND HIS AMAZING NEW WIFE, WAS WORTH GETTING MY TOES STEPPED ALL OVER, AND I’M SURE THESE OTHER GUYS FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME. BUT YOU KNOW, THIS IDEA OF THIRDS, THREE GUYS STANDING THERE AS ONE, MAKES ME THINK OF HUSBAND AND WIFE, TWO HALVES COMING TOGETHER AS ONE. A LOT OF FOLKS LIKE MYSELF REFER TO THEIR SPOUSE AS THEIR BETTER HALF. I KNOW I CALL JANICE MY BETTER HALF. EVERYDAY, SHE REMINDS ME JUST WHAT IT MEANS TO BE MARRIED, TO HAVE SOMEONE TO LOVE AND HONOR FOREVER, TO LIVE TOGETHER, TO LAUGH TOGETHER, TO DINE TOGETHER, AND TO BE SLAVES TO ONE ANOTHER ON OCCASION. WE LEARN LOVE, TOLERANCE, AND EVEN MORE TOLERANCE. RECENTLY SHE LOST HER EMAIL PASSWORD AND ONE OF THE SECURITY QUESTIONS WAS, WHAT IS THE NAME OF YOUR FAVORITE PET? WHEN I SAW HER TYPE IN ‘QUINN’ AND GAIN ACCESS, I KNEW I’D REACHED THE PINNACLE OF MARRIED LIFE. BUT REALLY, I WOULDN’T WANT IT ANY OTHER WAY. BEING HER PET MEANS I GET COMPLIMENTARY BACK SCRATCHES AND SHE FEEDS ME FROM TIME TO TIME. WHEN WE GET BACK TO THE ROOM, MAYBE I’LL ASK FOR A NICE SOAPY BATH. SUCH IS MARRIED LIFE, OR ONE THAT SHOULD BE ASPIRED TO, ANYWAY. BUT MARK AND MARYCARMEN ARE EXCEPTIONAL IN THAT THEY TRULY ARE TWO BETTER HALVES, AND TOGETHER THEY MAKE A WHOLE THAT IS EVEN GREATER THAN TWO BETTER HALVES ALONE. BUT ALL JOKES ASIDE, I ALWAYS THOUGHT MARK WOULD MAKE SUCH A GREAT HUSBAND AND FAMILY MAN. HE JUST HAS THE SPECIAL QUALITY OF MAKING RELATIVES FEEL COMFORTABLE, CARED FOR, LISTENED TO AND LOVED. AND IN THE PAST FEW DAYS, GETTING TO KNOW MARYCARMEN, IVE SEEN SOMETHING OF WHAT PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING ABOUT HER. BEYOND THE FACT THAT SHE FILLS THE ROOM WITH POSITIVE ENERGY AND A MAGNETIC KIND OF FUN, SHE, TOO, COMES ACROSS AS A REALLY GENUINE AND CARING SOUL, AND, ASIDE FROM US THREE TENORS UP HERE, I COULD THINK OF NO BETTER MATCH FOR MY BROTHER. A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF BOTH THEIR SELFLESSNESS IS THEIR SUGGESTED WEDDING GIFT OF DONATING SHEEP, COWS AND GOATS TO PEOPLE IN NEED IN AFRICA. ONLY I HAVE TO WARN YOU, MARK AND MARYCARMEN, I JUST HEARD TO ORDER GOT MIXED UP AND THE DELIVERY IS BEING SENT DIRECTLY TO YOUR APARTMENT. NOAH’S ARC HAS NOTHING ON WHAT YOU’VE GOT COMING. SO WELL JUST FIT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU, ALL THESE GLITTERING PIECES, THESE GLOWING SOULS, TOGETHER IN WITH THIS PERFECT PIE OF MARK AND MARYCARMEN HABER’S UNION, INCLUDING IN OUR HEARTS MARYCARMEN’S SIDE OF THE FAMILY, TOO. THERE IS LITTLE NEED HERE FOR ROSE TINTED GLASSES, FOR THEIR UNION IS TRULY GRACEFUL, SWEET, DELICIOUS, AND SUPERLATIVE IN EVERY MEMORABLE FASHION, AND SO I RAISE MY GLASS TO MARK & MARYCARMEN, THANKING THEM FOR BRINGING US ALL TOGETHER FOR THIS MOMENTOUS OCCASION, AND MOST OF ALL, I WISH THEM A LONG AND HAPPY UNION!
Posted on: Mon, 28 Apr 2014 20:27:54 +0000
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