BETWEEN SISTERS II: Talking with my sister Lisa Stevenson-Soderquist last night we also reviewed comfort zones, I was saying: I dont think I know how to stay in love or love another person completely. I am so used to being in a marriage where I only saw my husband one to two days a week and we spoke on the phone maybe two times a week. I guess I became an independent married woman that liked being alone. I got used to it. She said: Actually, you did get used to being alone and you also got used to knowing what you wanted and only accepting what you wanted in your life. So, if the other person is not exactly what you construe as the perfect one, you get frustrated and move on. She said, we all do it. We create an idea in our mind of what the perfect person would be. How they would act. How they would relate to us and how we would spend our time together. How we would love and how our lives would begin and end. She said this is normal. We get the idea of our perfect one when we are little and growing up. She said we all do it. Then when the other person can not measure up to our ideal dream, we lose our attraction, get frustrated and move on. Never thinking about their emotions when we are gone, I know I have been on both sides of this equation. I have been on the giving end and the receiving end. This was a deep recognition of how we are and how we relate to others. She said, its a learning curve. We have to learn to accept others for who they are and what they have to offer. Now, if they dont offer us what will allow us to grow together and become complete, then we should go our separate ways. But if there is room for growth, look deeper into the relationship. She also said: No one can make you feel any emotions of anger or frustration. Only you allow yourself to react in this way to their behavior. You are the key holder to your own emotions and only you can allow yourself to be angry or happy. The other person can add to your life, but they can not take from your life. Unless you allow it. So if you want to be with someone and you begin to get angry at them, you are the only one that is allowing the anger to happen. They can not make you feel any emotions that you do not allow yourself to feel. It was a deep conversation and I am glad we had it. I needed a perception check from someone that has known me for 50 years and knows all sides of me. How many of you needed to hear this and has it made you think? I would love to know, if you are willing to share. Love Stephy
Posted on: Mon, 24 Nov 2014 00:02:05 +0000