Been a while since I ranted... Driving home through the slightly pre-rush hour traffic at Glendale, drivers window down and listening to The Offspring, exhausted but in a surprisingly placid mood. When I hear the unmistakable rolling clatter of a badly maintained Holden V6 and the shrill nasal voices of women who add AYE!?! to the end of every sentence, even when they are making a statement. I went to get some durries aye... I dont know your the bogan with a tale, The f*ck you asking me for? It barely registers at first until I hear it directed at me, Oi! Can you turn dat sh*t down? I dun wanna f*ckin listen to dat! So My interest in the subject matter is piqued, I looked. The land whale was as fat as she was ugly as she was uneducated. Id say she had more teeth than brain cells but most of those were not in attendance either, nor was her neck really... it was kind of chinshoulders but I digress. Fag hanging out of her and the speedfreak thin also toothless hag in the drivers seat, In the back were 3 kids. You know the kind of kids with bright eyes that look like they have a lust for life, or mum lets them drink Redbull and then wonders why they have to take Ritalin. Either way I decided to not tell her to f*ck off, but something inside me did snap. This person has absolutely no authority or right to tell me what to do, *DING DING* Lets have an argument. You could wind YOUR window up... I felt that this was a measured response. Im smokin ya dumb c*nt, got me f*ckin kids in da back dont I! she shrieked in fluent Windalian. You shouldnt smoke with children in the car I was well aware I was poking a rather well fed bear, but I continued Its Illllllleeeeeegal. She took a deep breath to scream something at me but started to cough up a lung, I tried not to look pleased. She regained her breath and said Mind ya own f*ckin business, I said turn it down! and I see the lights for the traffic going the other way turn orange, I only have to put up with this shit for a few more seconds, just be patient and ignore her... but then I thought Who the f*ck does Jabba the centrelink recipient think she is? I quickly thumb through my mental list of options, and then remember three things. 1. The next track starts with a 5 second pause then rapidly is very fast paced with lots of guitars and fast drum kicks 2. The stereo is only at 2/3 volume 3. I am a colossal smart arse. I hit the track skip button on the steering wheel, reached over and maxxed out the volume and dropped all four windows. Shamu looked rather pleased with herself when the music stopped, I guess she couldnt hear the hiss of the speakers over her heavy breathing but she damn near shit herself when the next track kicked off. The car rocked back and forth violently with barely contained rage and many years of value meals as she struggled to find the seat belt release. I just smiled pleasantly, I couldnt hear what the hell she said after that. What I did see was the dude on the motorbike in front of her throw up the horns as I punched it and took off up the road, I looked in my rear view mirror after I cleared the intersection and Bike-bro was accelerating REAL slowly with his blinker on to change lanes but not actually doing it so she couldnt try and catch up. Thankyou bike bro, screw you Bertha and The offspring still kick all different kinds of ass.
Posted on: Thu, 10 Jul 2014 08:10:02 +0000
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