Being a nurse, Ive come to be comfortable around the unmentionables. Cancer. Futility. Death. You act in order to ease the transition for the patient and to calm the soul of the family. But what my education and my experience didnt prepare me for is when the nurse has to be still. In that stillness, my eyes scan for a monitor to analyze, my brain aches for a patho to explain, my hands aimlessly tap my leg instead of a keyboard. How exactly do I let my grandpa pass peacefully like he wanted when everything about me wants to call out ACLS algorithms? Eventually, the words that Ive uttered to families over and over comes to my head. Its time. Those two little words pack so much meaning. Its THAT time- its happening. Its time to say your last words. Its time to let go.. I can do this. I can be a granddaughter, daughter, sister, and niece instead of CPT Johnson, RN. I can sit at his side and see the man who taught me the importance of fishing with the right bait, not the familiar course of MODS. I can hug my dads neck and laugh at the time Grampa got so mad at me for needing to pee 20 mins into our bike ride instead of debating kidney failure. Most importantly, I can comprehend the meaning behind Hey..have fun and calmly respond Have fun fishing with Jesus, Grandpa...
Posted on: Fri, 03 Oct 2014 09:57:38 +0000
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