By the time you witness or hear about domestic violence and other abusive relationships, its already been going on for a long time. Abusers dont let the public see these things until they are quite certain of their hold over their victim. It works in much the same way as racism, another recent hot button issue: it is the systematic dehumanization and subjugation of a person by someone they believe they can trust. It begins with small, relatively harmless asks. Then it escalates. Soon , the victim believes that they deserve what they get. They believe their abusers lies and manipulation, because its all they hear day in and day out. And when the abuser allows them access to their outside social support system, they maintain control through social messaging: religion, family, even social organizations all press that when a relationship is so painful and difficult to endure, that the sufferer has an obligation to do better, try harder, endure. The victim is told, again and again, that the problem is in their perception, not their treatment at the hands of their abuser. And we wonder why they stay; we dont really offer them another choice. Even a sinking ship stays afloat for a little while. And in an abusive relationship, the goal is merely to survive for as long as possible. Keep that in mind next time you feel that you can judge a person whose circumstances youve never faced, whose life youve never lived. Its a good deal easier for someone to imagine a solution when they have access to resources.
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 18:24:49 +0000
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