CALL CLEGG...BRIEFING THE NIGHT BEFORE..... Putney...leafy Putney and not the grey steel town of Sheffield...LBCs award winning radio presenter is in a meeting with his long suffering adviser....it was a team of fifteen but since the result of local elections and the European meltdown,its become four...and the other three have headaches,washing their hair and a prior engagement,Nick being a true liberal has understood and is listening....Call Clegg team have been for a few hours discussing how to handle his radio appearance tomorrow morning and have decided to present his best image as someone who has understood and listening. OK Nick,please try to stick to the script tomorrow and it has to be lots of laughter but not in anyway come across as smug and evasive.....and dont forget to say... Nick interrupts,smiles and raises his hand like an excited fee paying public schoolboy...understood and listening... Er yes Nick,but can we now just listen and take on board a few vital issues to once again boost your persona and make you a second term deputy PM with huge gravitas and not Camerons bag carrier... In no particular order and feel free to ignore Nick Ferrari who might stick his tiny dagger in you at any moment he feels will improve the shows ratings... I thought Nick was my close media friend and would always be there for me.......Clegg wipes away a tear... Great Nick...can you cry tomorrow?..Not over the bromance with lardy Ferrari...When you speak about the broken dreams of Lib Dem friends and colleagues,how you feel personally responsible and will do everything in your power to get the public trust back...because despite what critics say, have understood and listening..Do not sob ,hold back a little and let bottom lip tremble as you cut the throat of a certain Lord and his lackey the mad Doctor V...Make sure you are above personal attacks as once again Ferrari will do the dirty work for you ,we know by now he cant help himself and if at any stage you forget our carefully worded script,mention Arsenal..and of course you have understood and listening. Clegg is now in a dream like paradise,where the whole country sees him as a man of vision,where the media applaud his statesman like approach and the man who beat the crap out of a beer swilling,pot bellied smoker called Nigel...He has not noticed paella being served by his wife and she mutters the word burro and slams the door to wake emotional and tired red eyed award winning radio presenter.. Whats burro..asks his adviser... His request is ignored... The list drawn up for Call Clegg is now presented and it is to Mr Cleggs liking..Its a running order of answers to give callers ,even they didnt ask it 1.Farage to be congratulated,even though you will fight with every fibre in your body his pursuit of ruining the EU dream 2.Make sure you include a minimum of nine times the sound bite understood and listening 3. Loyalty and Lib Dem values of fairness to be highlighted,unlike Milibands Labour party or Bumble Johnsons lazy attitude to work 4.Throw in your passion for football,drop Barcelona,they are losers,and hint you will be in Brazil supporting England but not Spain.. 5.Say you are stronger and ready to fight your corner and the party will get over this setback 6.Laugh if anyone thinks you are the Capt of the Titanic Lib Dems and the UKIP iceberg has hit but you refuse to abandon ship At this point,Mrs Clegg enters the room and escorts the adviser out...he can distinctly hear her calling Mr Clegg burro... and his response over and over is simply understood and listening... JONNIE OF BRIXTON...
Posted on: Wed, 28 May 2014 18:37:11 +0000
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