CHAPTER 17 The flat It was a big flat. I did not need one that big but I did not really have a choice. I needed a place to live and fast, so I took this one because it was available. I barely furnished it, with a futon, a recovery chair and some cushions. I do not remember much of this period. It is very muddled, and in retrospect it is likely that this was a rise towards the manic phase. My new ambitions to return to society may not have been viable, but I needed to believe in something. I thought about various things, like helping students with learning difficulties in particular. I had saved a corner of the flat to use for this purpose; starting a small business of computer services, Internet marketing support and advice, or something like that. After I’d gather some experience, I would try the adventure also in England and share my time between the two countries. I was well informed and I had written up a standard contract. I hardly saw anyone, and in any case hardly anyone wanted to see me. Anticipating success or the development of my business, I bought a frequent user card on the SNCF (France’s national state-owned railway company) that cost me quite a lot; I was also making some other eccentric expenses, for example buying childrens clothing. I had also started to follow a Mandarin course with a private tutor. I was totally unstructured, socially deconstructed, but I was fighting. My spiritual side came back, and I often meditated. I also bought a book on the Chinese tarot whose arcana helped me, and I also got some candles and incense. I don’t exactly recall when I read Memories, Dreams, Reflection by Carl Gustav Jung, but I know it influenced me a lot, as I could see myself in some of the mystical experiences of his life. I considered him a kind of intellectual father. I remember taking four books from the library, The Carnival of immortals by Enki Bilal, La voie de l’énergie (the awakening and development of the Chi, or vital energy) by Vlady Stevanovitch, Flying saucers: A Modern Myth Of Things Seen In The Skies by C. G. Jung and a huge book about Antonin Artaud; the front cover pictures his young face who lived with me in my daily life, the only picture of someone else. Did you know that Artaud had experienced very specific things? At one point he believed that he was Christ, well thats what I think I read. Did you know that Artaud and Lacan had met and that Artaud hated Lacan? He actually speaks about him in his work entitled Van Gogh, The Man Suicided by Society; he was referred to as Mr. L. This time I went to see a Jungian psychoanalyst, and I tried to tell her what was happening to me, especially my relationship with Jung. Synchronicity has always appealed to me, the fact that some random things seem to bear the mark of the divine or of the supernatural, and the seal of strangeness in all cases. I often read works by Paul Auster who also noticed that. Strange coincidences had often happened to me in Montreal; Jung has stressed the importance of mandalas and considered Christ and Siddhartha as archetypes of man-god; men-gods and archetypes at the same time. One day after leaving the psychoanalyst, where I must have brought up the subject, I was walking on the sidewalk and I saw a huge mandala in the window of a merchant who was selling puzzles. Why did I then enter a furniture shop on the square before taking the subway? I have no idea. There was a beautiful modern couch upstairs, I instinctively looked at the label, it was called Mandala. I think this is when it really started. Later, in a flea market I bought a cross, a beautiful metal cross inlaid with orange stones. I also bought two books, The Lord of the Rings, and a book about the history of Christ. I remember after a period of meditation, or should I say connection, I opened the second book and came across these words : The fate of the man-god ... PLEASE BUY OR SHARE Thanks goo.gl/bWAANI
Posted on: Sat, 08 Nov 2014 01:26:36 +0000
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