Chapter 5: The Continuing Saga of Ralph the Gimp The Saga of Ralphs life continues as follows, full of sound, sights, and laughter, but signifying nothing (yet)... I received your letter in a most peculiar way. My guard bird, Miss Chicken, had a very big ugly man with a bow tie on his head backed up against the wall of the outhouse when I arrived home from work. Miss Chicken was furiously engaged in attempting to seriously wound his skins. As I got out of the car, I heard desperate cries for help. I went immediately to investigate the source of the ruckus. Fearing for his life, this large ugly guy begged me to call Miss Chicken off. Of course, first I asked him who he was and what he was doing lurking about the premises. He announced himself as No-Neck Newman and I noticed he was holding a letter. I called Miss Chicken off. She backed up and whipped out a sawed-off shotgun from under her wing, and held No-Neck at point blank range. No-Neck thrust the letter towards me, and I saw it was from you. When I saw who the letter was from, I told him to never again bother with my mail. I then suggested he run for his life or Miss Chicken would put another notch in her gun handle. When he took off down the driveway, Chicken went after him. As soon as they were out of sight, I heard a couple of gunshots. I dont know what happened to No-Neck, but I later caught a glimpse of Miss Chicken filing another notch in her gun handle. She is one tough bird. I also understand from my sources that Ralph has had a most peculiar experience... Out of sheer boredom one day, Ralph went to a used book store to find something to read, Hoping to find a good novel, he happened upon a book entitled, The Legend of the Ancient Tasmanian Solar Deflector Diamond. Paying the 75 cents (plus tax) for the huge book, he took it back to the ranch to ponder its contents. After several weeks of careful study in his spare time, he discovered some interesting facts. Evidently, the stone Ralph has is only a shard of the complete deflector diamond that lies at the bottom of the sea somewhere in the center of the Bermuda Triangle. According to the ancient book, there is a city there under the sea which has only half of the deflector diamond, and the inhabitants of the city want the rest of the diamond back desperately. They cannot control with any accuracy, the power emanating from the shard in their possession. As Ralph read on, he learned that the complete stone has mysterious healing powers as well. Ralph now wants to get the stone in his possession to its original location, to join it with the shard that lies at the bottom of the sea. Trying to think of how to accomplish this is frustrating to Ralph, and he wanders into a local bar. At the bar, he met a dwarf named Frodo Braggins. The two got to talking, and to make a long story longer, in fact as long as i possibly can, Frodo agreed to help Ralph get the stone to that location, because there is a ring of particular interest to him that lies in the same area. Packing supplies, and snatching a laughing pit devil from the ranch, the two set out on their journey. Ralph and Frodo began hitchhiking, but a gestapo who recognized Ralph had been following them, and he tried to run them over with his car. At that precise moment a ray of sunshine shone through the deflector diamond shard, and a bolt of lightening shot out from it, hitting the agents car and setting it on fire. So much, once again, for the attempts of the gestapo.
Posted on: Sun, 16 Feb 2014 06:33:38 +0000
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