Chapter 65. I stared at him, ndingakwazi uphendula. My voice got stuck in my throat, ndavele ndabanda and my brain suddenly didnt know how to function. Nda brain dead ngo mzuzu. can I sit here? he pointed to where Mpumi was sitting before and I nodded quickly like a 5 year old. He sat down, turning a little so he could look at me. I looked to the floor. My heart was beating so fast, palms sweaty, knees weak and arms heavy. Gigantic butterflies were fluttering around in my stomach. In fact, no. Scratch that. It felt like there was an elephant stampede in there. It hurt. so...unjani? I stared at him, wanting to cry. I wished I couldve stood up and ran away. Why did I even come to this stupid thing?! Argh! Fortunately for me -thank God- Olwethu came back, with two paper cups in her hands. Lwethu: here you go, Sindiswa. Me: uhm...thanks. She handed me my cup and I took one big sip from it. It was just juice...and I was in dire need of something stronger :(... Lwethu: hello, Sivuyile. Him: molo, sisi. Lwethu: here... She handed him the other cup. Her: its from Jay. He took it and thanked her. Her: okay then... Ndzokubona ke Sindiswa ne? I nodded as she walked away..though bendirhalela ubaleka apha emva kwakhe. Sivuyile: I asked unjani? Me: Im good, wena? Him: ndiyaphila nam. I nodded and we sat in a silence which, surprisingly, wasnt awkward. Him: havent heard from you in a long while. Me: hmm... Him: I kind of miss you... And thats when I started getting angry. Umntu athi akandithandi anymore and then come back and say uyandikhumbula? What was I supposed to do? Run after him and beg him? Nxa! I kept my cool though... Him: it would be nice if we could have a civil conversation, where we EXCHANGE words, ingabi one-sided. Me: yazi, Sivuyile, I dont get you. Him: njani ngok? Me: youre selfish and- yaz, mxm. Why are you here? I mean why uze kum out of everyone you know apha? Him: I wanted to talk to you. Me: WHY?! You broke my heart, undixelela some shit yoba you dont love me anymore...and now suddenly uyabuya to talk to me, telling me you kinda miss me. Why you gotta play my feelings like that?! I have a heart, too..you know? I didnt realise I was so angry and loud until Olwethu came to me, holding my arm, telling me to calm down. Jay spoke to uSivuyile, dragging me away. We, well I, had caused a scene and people were staring... Lwethu: hey, relax okay? Me: please ask Jay to take me home. Her: cmon, Sindiswa. Really? Me: I just wanna go home. Her: fine, but if you wanna lie down, Im sure you can use one of the rooms he- Me: no. I want to be in my bed. Jay walked up to us, without uSivuyile. Thank goodness. Jay: uright, lil sis? I nodded. Me: I just want to go home. Jay: ndicela utye kqala. I already told mom to exclude us from dinner. Me: if Im hungry, Ill make a sandwich at home. He stared at me, waiting for me to change my mind. When he realised thatt I wouldnt, he said: okay then... and told me to go wait in the car... He came to the car, got in his side and drove off quietly. Me: Im sorry I caused a scene. Jay: akho way. I stared ahead at the road. Jay: are you sure uright? Me: yep. I was a lot more calmer now. Jay: wena no Sivuyile have you spoken about things? Me: nope. Jay: why? Funeka nilungise izinto. Me: says the guy who was against le relationship ekqaleni. Jay: I still am. But youre my sister and he made you really happy and I love seeing you happy. So, ndayi accepta ke. Me: ncoo... Jay: yeah...so? Me: Im sure theres someone else out there who is willing to make me happier. Jay: hmm... Me: I tried, Jay. I tried my best but I couldnt go past his word when he said akasandithandi. I couldnt beg him to love me anymore. Jay: uyakuthanda lamntu, Sindiswa. As much as he made you happy, you made him happy too. Me: but his baby made him happier. Jay: so, thats where the problem is? I shrugged my shoulders. Jay: he was born before your relationship started. Me: I know that, but- Jay: but what? You seriously cannot expect him to not love his baby. You cant expect him to choose you over his son. No offence. Me: Im not expecting him to. I just think Im too young for all of this. Jay: he didnt plan the baby, Sindiswa. But sekhona ke umntana and he cant undo everything. Uyamthanda unyana wakhe. You just have to accept that. I sighed as he parked in our yard. Jay: think of it this way. What if it was you who had gone through an unplanned pregnancy? And then you found uSvij and he was the one who didnt one anything to do with your child? Amcaphukele even. Me: I dont hate the thing. Jay: thing? Me: you know what I mean. Jay: no, actually. I dont. He reached over to my door handle and pulled it open. I stared at him, questioningly. He just stared ahead, waiting for me to get out. So, I did, closing the door shut... And he drove away, quickly. Somehow, the conversation got me thinking...
Posted on: Thu, 02 Oct 2014 09:10:34 +0000
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