Chapter Two: A short Preview On the 7 Components of Quality Time (Aarti C Rajaratnam) On a recent train journey, I met a family who were on a short weekend vacation and returning home with their only son. The mother worked for a multinational bank and put in close to 12 hours of work every day (including travel and time spent on phone calls and reports off work hours). The father ran a small business that demanded close to 12 hours of his time away from home. Their only son, an 11 year old was talkative and restless. He travelled with his “bag” filled with gadgets and video games. The moment the mother realized that I worked with children, she requested my business card and loudly announced, “My son is hyper, and I need to fix him with counselling.” The young boy laughed and moved on to “disturb” the next unsuspecting passenger on the train. During the short conversation the boy volunteered to have with me before his mother announced the guillotine of therapy, the boy spoke about his school and how the children had a competition where the one with the most number of expensive gadgets and cars won. He said that he quit the competition because his parents were “poor” and could not buy him enough (the bag full that he had was not enough as per the rules of the peer group). Every day he went to school and just like most children enjoyed a few classes, detested a few and managed to cope in a few. He neither loved nor hated school. When he returned home every evening, his grandfather quickly gave him a snack purchased from a local “junk- food- joint” and sent him off for tuitions to a lady who was strict but because there were many children in the class, she never knew if he had completed his work but sent him away as soon as his batch timings were over. He returned home to the world of gadgets and television. His parents returned late in the evening and his grandfather disliked noise and clutter, so he neither encouraged communication nor did he allow play or friends coming over. Most days he saw his parents for about 20-30 minutes but since they were all tired, conversations were limited to crisis situations, things to buy, things to do and money to be spent. Occasionally, one of his parents had the energy to ask about school and invariably it ended in advice, scolding or a feeling of disappointment. The quick weekend vacation was also only because his mother’s friend was getting married in a town near the resort. The child was made to attend the wedding and be on good behaviour all the time because if he did not he would be sent for an hour of extra maths tuitions for a month as punishment. The above scenario can reflect any average Indian household give or take a few details. Purely examining the world from the perspective of this child, 1. He felt unimportant in school, with peers, in tuition and at home. 2. He could never be good enough with peers, in academics and for his parents. 3. His opinions were not taken by peers, at school, in tuition or at home. 4. Communication was not encouraged with peers, with teachers, in tuition or with members in his family. 5. For reaching out to total strangers, constantly looking for things and ways to gain attention, for fulfilling his need to communicate( even though not completely acceptable) and for making material demands to at least show off to a few less fortunate children in school, he was branded troublesome, hyper, problematic, stubborn and not mature enough for his age. In an ideal situation both parents enter into marriage, plan about having children, find meaningful and sensible ways to earn, invest and save for a future and because of the virtue of planning are able to spend sufficient time with their child, nurturing dreams and potential, sharing, communicating, encouraging, entertaining and providing for security and love that ultimately transcend all other needs of a child. However, in most cases, marriage happens, children are born to parents who may be excited but not necessarily prepared financially or emotionally to raise a child or to cater to its needs. There are two types of childhood experiences, Positive Experiences that build strong character and sense of self worth and Negative Experiences that cause abuse, neglect, exploitation and victimization of the child. Understanding the components that constitute Quality Time help parents provide more Positive Experiences for the child. The Chapter moves on to describe and explain each component in detail.
Posted on: Sun, 24 Nov 2013 09:37:45 +0000
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