Chocolate Christmas Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hipsWere Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care,In hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.While Mama in her girdle and I in chin strapsHad just settled down to sugar-borne naps.When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter,I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash,Tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snowSent thoughts of a binge to my body below.When what to my wandering eyes should appear:A marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slickI knew in a second that Id wind up sick.The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer,I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPSA Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.From the top of the scales to the top of the hallNow dash away pounds; now dash away all.Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdressMy clothes were all bulging from too much excess.My droll little mouth and my round little bellyThey shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.I spoke not a word but went straight to my workAte all of the candy then turned with a jerk.And laying a finger beside my heartburnGave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned.I eased into bed, to the heavens I cryIf temptations removed Ill get thin by and by.And I mumbled again as I turned for the nightIn the morning Ill starve...til I take that first bite!
Posted on: Fri, 19 Dec 2014 23:14:09 +0000
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