Conversations With My Cat After A Long Weekend Joi: Where were you? Me: We went to New York for the weekend. Remember, I told you. Joi: All I remember is being alone. Forever. In the dark. With no food or water. Me: You had plenty of food and water. I fed you before we left. Joi: I vaguely recall eating. It was so long ago. Me: I filled your bowl with crunchies. I notice theyre all gone. Joi: I ate that crap within the first five minutes after you abandoned me. Me: I didnt abandon you. Im back. Joi: You just came back to gloat over my shriveled and desiccated body. Me: I think you actually gained weight. Joi: Im a stress eater! After you went off to Outer Mongolia... Me: It was New York. Joi: ...to live with the yaks, I had to fend for myself. I ate a bug. And some toilet paper. And the tv remote. You need new batteries, by the way. Me: Well, you look good. Joi: You smell like pastrami and bagels. And guilt. Me: Would you like some wet food? Joi: No. Yes. Dont ever leave the house again. Me: I have to go to work tomorrow. Joi: I might have to eat the couch.
Posted on: Tue, 03 Dec 2013 15:24:19 +0000
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