Copyrighted Material THE KNOWING Of Annie Stewart Napa Valley, California She saw the old rambling house from a hillock, where she stopped for a rest along the drive. The house was of white stone, and the old wall surrounding the property was high and private. It was the first feature that drew her to it. It was a beautiful day, the kind California is known for, the kind of day she loved. She could have driven on for hours, but felt it would be a good idea to stretch her legs, and get a bottle of water from the cooler in the back. She opened the water, and continued to stare at the building in the distance. The house seemed to draw her to it, as if it held out welcoming arms, waiting to embrace her. She told herself it might be dilapidated and abandoned. She did not want to get her hopes up. She seemed to always be searching for a particular house, but each time she found one she thought she loved, once she moved in, it was as if something was still missing. On a closer look, the old house was full of charm and character; and she set out to find the realtor whose name was listed on the for sale sign. When the realtor unlocked the heavy wooden door, she felt her breath catch for a moment. Thinking it was fatigue from the long drive, she pushed the feeling aside. The interior was cool and comfortable; and quite spacious, even the hallways were the width of another era. It badly needed updating, but the bones of the house were good. The rooms were very large, and had large windows that let in lots of natural light. The main living room, that opened up onto the old garden, had a wall of windows, floor to ceiling windows. Annie’s heart soared at the sight; and it was at that moment she knew she had to have the house, even before she had the structure checked. If it was not sound, she would rebuild it; but she had to have it. There was something, in particular, about the large room with the floor to ceiling windows, and the high ceilings, that looked out onto an old, but once beautiful garden, that tugged at her heart strings. She wondered if maybe this would be her House of Belonging! The structural engineer met her and the realtor at the house the next morning. Feeling rested and refreshed from a good night’s sleep at the nearby B & B, Annie was excited as the big heavy door slowly opened ahead of her again. She ran her hand over the old wood and it generated a sense of calm in her. Feeling a bit amused at her own reaction, she followed the engineer throughout the different rooms. When he had checked every room, the three of them sat at the old wooden table in the kitchen, and reviewed the plans he had brought with him. The estate had been an old compound many years before. The previous owners had become too feeble to maintain the property, and there was much to be done. Termites had taken a toll on the other structures on the estate, including the glassed–in studio; but had somehow spared the main house. The structure, despite its age, was sound; and that was all Annie’s needed to hear to make her heart soar once again. She walked outside with the engineer, when their meeting was over; and thanked him for coming by so quickly. Then she turned her attention to the realtor, and they quickly put in an offer on the property. The estate was being sold by a financial corporation, and that allowed things to move more quickly. At the end of the week, she was the new owner of the sprawling old estate. The realtor had recommended some local trades people who could complete the renovations, and attend to the other buildings on the site. She called them as soon as he left, and asked them to meet her the following morning. Things moved along more quickly than she thought they might, much to her delight; and before long, she moved her belongings into her new home. She had furnished it bit by bit, while the trades people worked long hours to make the house hers, giving her time to visit the antique shops and the furniture stores. When the work was completed, she paid the workers handsomely for their efforts; and once she shook the last worker’s hand, she turned and walked slowly back into her new home, slowly opening the heavy wooden door, almost with reverence. Her love of that old wooden door and other character features were still a bit amusing to her. They seemed to mean so much to her. She thought some bright yellow-gold long draperies would look beautiful in that large living room, with all that sunlight streaming in through those wonderful windows. While she was visiting an estate sale, a couple of days before, she had found them and incidentally, they fit the large windows, as if they were made for it. And she would have to visit the plant nursery to have some rose plants and rose trees delivered, along with a large fountain for the front of the house. When she woke after her first night in her new home, she felt disoriented, not realizing for a moment where she was. Then her smile widened as she realized she was home, in her own home. Soft early sunlight had filtered in through the french doors, through the soft lace curtains, and fell across the bed. It was very early, and she could hear the birds singing; and the sound of the tiny book babbling through the open window. She got out of bed slowly and walked over to look out the window. A perfect morning had dawned! The cerulean blue sky was dotted with fluffy September clouds. She could see the flowers nodding in the warm breeze; and birds swooping through the air, frolicking and splashing water, as they made their way into the bird baths. And the best part, all of this beauty was enclosed by a privacy wall. She could relax. She turned away reluctantly from the beautiful scene outside her bedroom window, and walked into her dressing room. She took a cool white cotton skirt and blouse from her unpacked luggage. She placed them on the bed while she headed toward the en suite to take a nice relaxing warm shower, before she made a list of what she had to do that day. She was so happy with her new home, she felt like hugging herself. Toweling dry her hair as she walked back to bedroom, she dressed quickly, putting her feet into her favorite worn Italian sandals. She walked down the long hallway to the large kitchen and took a cup from the kitchen cupboard; poured herself some black coffee, and headed for the garden. When she opened the french doors, she squinted as the warm sunlight hit her face, and she reached back in through the doorway to grab her sunglasses from the Queen Anne table beside the doors. She walked slowly out into the courtyard; and over to the chaise, placed beneath an ancient silver birch tree, in the middle of the garden. The warm balmy breeze, felt soothing on her bare arms and legs. She lifted up her face to the sun, and smiled as she walked across the cobblestones. She sat down, took a sip of her coffee coffee, and let out a deep sigh; but her high shoulders did not relax! Her garden was in a cobble-stoned courtyard completely encircled by her home, totally private, with access only from inside the house. Molded walls of glass allowed her to enjoy the courtyard while inside her home; and at night, that cherished space was lit by lamplight. Looking out at dusk, it looked like a scene from the late 1800’s, a kinder time, a gentler time, a safer time. It had been a bit inconvenient waiting for the renovations and updating to be completed; but as she looked around her, she knew it had been worth it. The most important change to the exterior of her home had been the removal of the outside gate to the courtyard. Even though the house was surrounded by a magnificent high stone wall, it was important to her that the courtyard continue to be accessible only through the many interior doors. Nestled on a ten acre estate, her home satisfied her need for privacy. Somehow she felt safe from the moment she had entered the house. It was a ten minute drive to the nearest city, and that was fine with her. She loved the quiet and the solitude. The nearest neighbour was a few miles down the road, but at night she could see their lights; and that made them close enough for her comfort. She felt she had indeed found her house of belonging! She stood up to go back to the kitchen to get another cup of coffee, and as she walked across the cobblestones, the sound of her footsteps, like harbingers, made her remember. Excerpt Chapter 3 THE EARLY YEARS London, England Long, long ago, and far, far away, a little girl’s voice wavered when she was shushed by the housekeeper because her mother was not feeling well... her mother reassured her everything would be alright. “Don’t worry, Annie”. “Don’t worry” …............................................................................. Jack was silent throughout the entire long trip to Scotland. As they left the motorway and turned left in through the tall filigreed gates of Eugenia’s estate, Annie could scarcely contain her excitement, smiling broadly at Edward, Eugenia’s gardener, as he closed the gates behind them. They drove slowly up through the driveway, lined on each side with magnificent oak trees. She watched closely for her grandmother’s home to come into view. The tall blue slate country house looked like a castle, with its many turrets and so many windows and doors. The afternoon sun was shining on the burnished autumn leaves; and it made the front garden appear warm and cozy, and Annie was delighted to be there. Before they drew to a stop in front of the steps, the door opened; and her grandmother stepped outside, waiting for her with a smile and outstretched arms. Jack brought her up the steps to her grandmother, and quickly turned to leave without saying a word. Eugenia explained to her that he had to go and see her mother, and that he would be back shortly. Annie was pleased with that explanation because she did not want her mother to be alone, and besides she was going to have tea with her grandmother. She loved sitting in her grandmother’s drawing room; it made her feel like a princess. The room was large with high ceilings and towering windows, that bathed the room in light. Gold taffeta drapes framed the windows and hung in folds on the gleaming hardwood floor. The stone mantelpiece was hundreds of years old and held two Chinese urns that had been in the family for centuries. A cozily-worn aubusson rug sat in the center of the room. Eugenia had the room furnished with magnificent antiques, Edwardian tall back chairs, French dressers and old English side tables. Everywhere puffy comfortable chairs were in groups for easy conversation. It was a room of old world luxury. Nothing was too good for her family. Annie’s feet did not quite touch the floor when she sat upright and ladylike on the sofa, like her grandmother had taught her. Eugenia was preoccupied that day; she had many concerns about her son-in-law… “Don’t marry for love, Annie, like your mother did!” she said out loud, without meaning to. Annie looked at her when she spoke, but was distracted when she noticed Lily arriving with the tea tray promptly at four o’clock. Having her tea, which was really warm milk poured from a silver pot, made Annie feel very special indeed. She felt very grown up. She would have liked to have another tea cake, but ladies did not take seconds, as her grandmother told her often. Later when her grandmother was resting, Lily took her to the large kitchen and give her more cake and an orange drink at the big wooden table. Then like conspirators, they would quietly return to the drawing room before her grandmother awakened. That day, when Eugenia woke from her afternoon nap, she did not immediately return downstairs, but instead went and sat in the comfortable sitting area of her bedroom. She looked out onto the beautiful front garden, bathed in warm sunshine, and sighed. She had always had so many concerns about Jack. She had tried to discourage Sarah from marrying him, but Sarah had a mind of her own; and would not be swayed by class distinctions, or anything else she described as old- fashioned. She thought Eugenia was being overly protective since she was an only child, and besides she loved Jack, and could not imagine her life without him. But Eugenia had seen the glint of greed in Jack’s eyes on more than one occasion; and saw the over compensation in his social skills, as he attempted to fit into their social circle. There was something about him that Eugenia just did not trust, even though he was always on his best behaviour in front of her. A woman of substance and means, Eugenia would not be fooled by that make-believe gentleman. But her love for her daughter and concern for her happiness eventually made her give in, and let Sarah marry the man she thought she was in love with. She worried over Sarah. What did she know of love at her age, having been raised in a household of extreme privilege and wealth, and always the one with the soft heart, who wanted to rescue the under-dog. She did have a mind of her own, there was no doubt about that. Thoughts had crowded Eugenia’s mind over the last several weeks, worry over her daughter’s health, concern that had she not married that scallywag, would she be alright now? Would her health have suffered? Eugenia knew that Sarah had realized her mistake in marrying Jack, but by then it was too late. She had a child and thought it was best to make the best of it. She suspected Sarah also knew he had other women, but she would never bring that up to her. Her suffering was already too great. Eugenia had her private detective, Hugh O’Malley, take a look at Jack Stewart’s background, and his illicit activities, including other women. Most recently a tart by the name of Kathleen had re-appeared on the scene during one of his many trips to Dublin. They had been having a tawdry affair for many months now, and Eugenia could only hope Sarah would never learn of it. Hopefully it would die a natural death. Jack had always had a roving eye, always looking out for himself, and what he could get for himself. Kathleen had an eye out for her own best interests too; and when she saw the handsome Jack Stewart, dressed in his expensive suit enter the club where she worked, she thought she just might have glimpsed her own future. What did it matter that he was married, or that his wife’s money paid for his expensive tastes? She could handle all of that! She had heard his wife was sick now, and she wondered if now might be the right time for her to help him cope. Kathleen had never been one with principles. It was always what was best for her, without a care about who was hurt or inconvenienced. That was who she was. Eugenia sighed and hoped she was right, when she felt she had her finger on the pulse of the future. If anything should happen to Sarah now, she knew she could keep Annie safe, even if she had to lure Jack with money, which was his god. At least she knew that was her lifeline to her grand-daughter; and she would do whatever it took to keep little Annie safe, especially from the world of Jack Stewart. It was little comfort in the face of worry over her daughter’s health, but she had a sound mind and knew the ways of the world. She would hope for the best for her daughter; but be prepared for the worst, and continue to plan how she could best protect her grand-daughter. And for now, she must attend to the present. Lily and Annie were in the drawing room, with Annie snuggled into Lily’s arm, as she read her a story when Eugenia walked in. The little girl loved books, could not get enough of them. She quickly bounded off the sofa when she saw her grandmother, raced over and took her hand. “Come and hear the story with me, grandmama!” Lily was a trusted employee. She was young, just seventeen; and had ingratiated herself into Eugenia’s family very quickly, when she came to work for her several years before. Born of working class parents, Lily had an understanding of the aristocracy. Her mother had raised her well, instilling early on the virtues of integrity, responsibility and respect. Eugenia had seen at once that the girl had iron clad integrity, and she knew, if she ever had need of someone outside the family that she could trust, that she had Lily close by. Throughout the years, she had built upon that trust between them, for both their sakes, because one never knew what tomorrow might bring. When Eugenia tucked Annie into bed that night, Jack still had not returned; but Eugenia reassured her that everything was fine. She sensed the little girl was feeling a bit uncertain about what was going on, and reassured her she could come and wake her, if she was lonely or wondering through the night. This brought a smile to Annie’s face, and enough reassurance for her to fall asleep. The next morning sunshine through the window woke Annie, but her father still had not returned. “Soon, Annie”, her grandmother said. “He will be here very soon.” Now Eugenia was very pale and her eyes looked very tired. After lunch, Lily came into the room with a tray and a glass of sherry for Eugenia, just what she needed to help her relax a bit until she heard the latest news abut Sarah’s health. The waiting was the hardest, the not knowing, if her only child would live or die. Eugenia was a great believer in prayer; and now she prayed, she prayed with every fiber of her being. The hours dragged by, the hands on the clock seemed to barely move; and hardly able to stand the waiting another minute, Eugenia called for Edward to bring the car round. She would see for herself how things were going at the hospital. Lily would come along to look after Annie while she visited Sarah. Annie was not yet tall enough to see over the fender of the big car, and amused herself by looking at her reflection in the shiny car. Edward opened the door and Eugenia stepped inside first, followed by Annie and then Lily. Annie’s liked the smell of the leather, it smelled so clean and new. She busied herself looking out the window quietly, as the big car drove on toward London. On their arrival at the hospital, Edward helped them from the car and tipped his hat to Eugenia. “We won’t be long” Edward, but time for you to have some coffee and a lunch. We will see you back here at half past three.” Edward nodded and the two ladies and the little girl walked briskly inside to the reception area. Eugenia gave Sarah’s name and told the nurse who she was; and with a smile, the nurse explained to her how to get to Sarah’s room. Lily and Annie sat in the waiting room while Eugenia made her way down the hall to Sarah’s room. They could hear Sarah’s surprise when she saw her mother, as she waited with outstretched arms for Eugenia’s comforting embrace. To Eugenia’s surprise, Jack was nowhere to be seen; and she had stayed at home worrying to give Sarah and Jack time alone. Quickly though, the excitement proved too much for Sarah and her mother summoned the doctor. Doctor MacGambin came in quickly and suggested Eugenia stay with her daughter since her husband was nowhere to be found. Sarah was about to give birth, and they were all worried about her health following this birth. Doctor MacGambin had told Sarah she was not to have more children, and she had agreed, but her husband did not have the same regard for his beautiful wife’s life. Saddened when he heard Sarah was pregnant again, he resolved to do all he could, knowing in the end it would not be enough to save her. Eugenia’s joy at the birth of her second grand-daughter was diminished so much when she saw the weariness in her daughter’s eyes. While the doctor tended to Sarah, Eugenia placed the little baby girl in Sarah’s arms; and saw the happiness that brought her daughter back to life once again. She glanced at her watch and knew Edward would be back by then. Telling Sarah she would be right back, she went out into the hallway and called to Lily to have Edward stay with Annie, so she could come into Sarah’s room. As soon as the door closed behind her, Eugenia told her Edward was to bring Annie home, and then she and Edward were to return to the hospital. Edward’s wife would watch Annie until they returned later that evening. Lily nodded and left immediately to do as she was asked; and before long she was back in the waiting room again, tidying her hair after rushing in through the door of the hospital once again. Lily walked into the room softly just in time to see the love in Sarah’s eyes be replaced by pain. The doctor spoke softly and told Eugenia it would not be long now, and as Eugenia’s legs almost gave way, Doctor MacGambin took her arm and helped her into a chair. Suddenly Sarah anxiously held out her arms to her mother, and Eugenia forced herself upright and walked shakily as quickly as she could to embrace her daughter. “I’m scared, mother, what about the baby and Annie”? Sarah whispered in her mother’s ear. “ Don’t worry, my darling, they will be alright, I will see to that, I promise you! I promise you!” Sarah spoke her final words softly for her mother’s ears only, “Thank you, mother, I love you”. Eugenia saw her lids lower, and she knew that her beautiful daughter was gone. She could barely stand the raw pain that assaulted her then, the enormity of the loss was too much; and she reached out blindly for Lily, who quickly took hold of her arm. Eugenia bent down, kissed Sarah’s forehead. whispered “God Speed, little one; I loved you best!”, and she thought her heart would break. Lily fought back tears as she watched from a respectable distance. She knew Eugenia would expect her to keep her composure. She depended on her, and she would do what was expected of her, especially now. The doctor checked Sarah one last time, made sure her eyes were completely closed; and gave his deepest sympathies to Eugenia. The baby, still nestled in her mother’s arms, turned her little head a bit toward Sarah, as if catching a final glimpse of her mother, and Eugenia knew it was time. She gently scooped up the beautiful little baby girl into her arms, and held her securely. What she did next, surprised everyone, including Lily.
Posted on: Fri, 29 Nov 2013 20:34:52 +0000
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