Cover Photo: MY NEW HALLOWEEN FRIEND! Walking my neighbors dog, I noticed this really cool halloween display at the new neighbor’s house. As we walked up to get a better look, a silhouette of a figure suddenly appeared in the window, someone started screaming, and red splashes splattered across the window. The dog barked and the figure in the window froze and then disappeared. Before I could react, the front door flew open and a large man wearing coveralls, a flannel shirt, and a hockey mask stood in the doorway. Gosh, I thought to myself, can this be Jason from Friday the Thirteenth? I was petrified. Imagine my relief when I saw the butcher’s knife he was wielding! If he was Jason it would have been a MACHETE, not a butcher’s knife! “What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded, in a gruff, raspy voice. “Uh, we were just going for a stroll and noticed your Halloween decorations,” I stammered. Cotton, my neighbor’s dog, growled and bolted into the darkness towards home. “So what was he barking about?” the masked man demanded, waving the large knife in the direction where the dog had disappeared. “Well, uh, we heard screams,” I blurted keeping my eyes on his knife. There was an awkward silence as he scratched the crown of his head with the dripping red knife. “That was me...I was...ah...ah...carving pumpkins,” he finally said. “Yeah, yeah, that’s it, I was carving pumpkins.” “But well...,” I said quietly, beginning to think I should follow the dog’s lead and get the heck out of there. “But well WHAT!!?,” he demanded, taking a step out of the doorway. “We heard screams,” I answered. “I always scream when I carve pumpkins,” he snapped. “But...the screaming sounded like a lady,” I said meekly. I was now regretting I was still having this conversation. He hesitated, and thick red liquid dripped from his knife onto the porch. “I always sound like a girl when I scream while I carve pumpkins,” he finally said. “Anything else?...why are you so suspicious?” So far, the masked man was making sense, I thought to myself. I was still frightened, but not terrified. I took a deep breath. “But if you’re carving pumpkins, why is your knife red and why are there red splashes across the window? “Well...ah...haven’t you ever heard of red pumpkins?” he snorted. “They are more messy than regular pumpkins. And besides, I get carried away. I’m passionate about carving!” He noticed I was staring at his red stained knife. “What the hell did you think it was...blood?” I felt relieved but foolish. I didn’t know anything about red pumpkins. But everything he said now made sense. “Wow, sorry to bother you, I’ll be on my way,” I said cheerfully. “You mean you believe....I mean...uh...yeah, see ya,” he replied, stepping back into the house and slamming the door. When I returned home, I realized that in all of the commotion, I had forgotten to pick up my mail. The community mailboxes are situated in front of the hockey masked man’s house. Before I went back out to retrieve the mail I gulped down a shot of tequila and cracked open a cold beer. Fortified after finishing my libation, I ventured back out into the darkness. As I approached the mailboxes, the masked man opened his door and began dragging something through the doorway. He did not notice me until he was out of the light of his house and into the darkness. “Dumping the garbage, huh?” I asked cheerfully, noticing the large plastic bag with a zipper that went the length of it. “Let me help you with that.” “Huh?...Ok,” he responded gruffly, “grab the other end.” I was surprised at how heavy the load was. “Wow this is as heavy...it could be a body,” I joked. “Very funny,” he snapped, “help me throw it in the trunk of my car.” “But don’t you want to take it to the dumpster?” I asked. “No...a load this large is more than my share of garbage...I’ll take it to the dump myself.” “How thoughtful of the community,” I gushed, admiring his consideration for the neighborhood. We tossed the body-sized bag and it’s contents into the trunk and he slammed it closed. “You’re not going to tell anyone about this are you? he asked. “I don’t like attention.” “Why would I tell anyone I helped take out some trash?” I replied, a little confused. “Yeah...good point,” he grunted. He suddenly reached over and put a big meaty red pumpkin stained hand on my shoulder. “Say how would you like to be secret friends and come over tomorrow. I’ll teach you to carve red pumpkins. “Why a secret friendship?” I asked. “Uh...well...it makes it more special. And besides if people knew what an expert at carving red pumpkins I am, they’d drive me nuts asking me to teach them the art.” Boy, was I flattered! “When can we start?” I asked anxiously. “I’ll need to pick up a red pumpkin!” “Tomorrow night,” the masked man rasped, “and I’ll have everything that I will...I mean that we’ll need. “How about the large body-sized garbage bag with zippers?” I inquired. “No problem, I have one just for you,” he snarled kindly. Come over tomorrow night and don’t tell anyone. Got it, secret friend?” “You bet, I blurted...See you tomorrow, and mums the word!” Well, what a swell Halloween this is going to be! I discovered red pumpkins, although I’ve yet to see one. And best of all I have a new friend! A new secret friend! Can’t wait for what’s waiting for me tomorrow night!
Posted on: Wed, 30 Oct 2013 13:25:24 +0000