DIETING SUCKS. Plain and simple. I refuse to go to Vegas unless I look fabulous, but I got this 10 lbs. of sheer fat nonsense hanging around. When I was sitting at my computer today, my poor stomach let out a groan that was so loud, it startled me. I swear if I eat another bowl of steamed broccoli, I’ll sprout leaves and turn a lovely shade of pale green. But my dieting experience inspired me to find my inner philosophical muse. So I wrote a poem. Yes, yes, I know what all of you are thinking (Oh know…here she goes again), but I must, and I mean must share my dieting experience with ALL of you. And please, hold the applause AND the frickin hearts! ;) T’was the month before Vegas, When all through the house Nothing would fit me, Not even a blouse! The cookies I nibble, The chocolate I taste... All the dinner entrees, Have gone to my waist! I remember the marvelous Meals all prepared: The gravies and sauces, The beef nicely rared. The wine and the fudge cake, The bread and the cheese, And how sweetly I said, “Yes, seconds here, please.” As I dressed myself In my ex-boyfriend’s old shirt, I prepared once again To do battle with dirt. I said to myself (as only I can), You cant spend the summer Disguised as a MAN! So, away with the last Of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the cupcakes, Every cracker and chip! I wont eat a cookie, Not even a lick! Ill just have to chew On a celery stick! I wont have hot biscuits, Or corn bread or pie, Ill munch on a carrot, And quietly sigh. Im hungry...Im lonesome... And life is a bore! But isnt that what July is for? No fun at the party, No longer a riot! HAPPY AUGUST TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD DIET!
Posted on: Fri, 01 Aug 2014 01:27:16 +0000