DIETING WITHOUT STRESS (from diet humour) Breakfast: 1/2 - TopicsExpress

DIETING WITHOUT STRESS (from diet humour) Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz. skim milk Lunch: 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast l cup steamed spinach 1 cup herb tea 1 Mallowpuff biscuit Mid-Afternoon snack: The rest of the Mallowpuffs in the package 2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream 1 jar hot fudge sauce Dinner: 2 loaves garlic bread 4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke 1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza 3 Snickers bars Late Evening News: Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer) Rules for this Diet 1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda. 3. When you eat with someone else, calories dont count if you do not eat more than they do. 4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake. 5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner. 6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of ones personal fuel. Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls. 7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage. 8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something sweet and gooey. 9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. . . Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes; pink grapefruit and ham. 10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color. 11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass. 12. Anything consumed from someone elses plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS

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