Day two! Mentors. They’ve hired me even though I wasn’t qualified for the job, challenging me to live up to their perception of my potential. They’ve walked me step-by-step through a new endeavor because they believed I was worthy of their time. They’ve encouraged me in creative practice. They’ve shown me how to live with integrity, keep a family happy, maintain boundaries, build a life I deeply value, work on through pain (despair, self-loathing, hopelessness), say no in order to protect myself, say yes in order to conquer my self-sabotage, abandon fear. I ask myself, almost daily, what Ol So-n-So would do, not only because theyve got it going on, but because theyve given me confidence that I, too, can get it going on. Rock shows in small, unconventional venues. Vital force is contained in spaces where rock bands play for fewer than 50 people. These events produce energy unparalleled, in my experience. I can get behind most forms of music. Singing in a choir of hundreds is mighty potent. Hip-hop shows with thousands bumping? Compelling. But here Im speaking of basements and record stores and living rooms and garages where people pack in, regardless of heat and smell and the occasional two inches of water on the floor, so that they may have their cares sandblasted by rock music, so that they may walk out into the night air fresh and redeemed, which puts me in mind of … Redemption / Reclamation. I have been forgiven for terrible mistakes. I have been wronged and hurt and have forgiven. I have dredged deep wells of bad habits to (mostly) live better. Im no longer convinced of finality. I like the grays and the generosity of time and the processes. Im grateful for those who will hold on to the train of change with me.
Posted on: Sat, 02 Aug 2014 15:52:23 +0000
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