Dear Couples, Want to save your marriage? STOP projecting your views, methods, ideas, thoughts, expectations, etc., on to your spouse. -You are both individuals. -You were born into two different families (and/or cultures). -Your family dynamics are different. -Your birth order might be different, which results in different roles, strengths, weaknesses, etc. -Your experiences growing up are different; perhaps one of you have a history of trauma/abuse and perhaps the other had an ideal childhood full of laughter and love, or perhaps neither of you felt you received enough love at all. -Your temperaments may be different; one of you may be an introvert, the other an extrovert...one of you may need adventure and the other stability, etc. -Your self image may be different; one of you may be extremely or overly confident and the other afflicted with severe self-doubt and insecurity, etc. -Your relationship history may be different; one of you may have never had a relationship prior to marriage so you are open to love, the other may have been betrayed or hurt more than once so you have trust issues. -Etc... Our personalities are shaped by so many things which is why each and every single person on the planet is truly unique. And yet one of the most repeated offenses that I have seen time and time again made by couples is this propensity to project their thoughts, actions, expectations, reactions, etc., on to their partner. Sadly, its a very self-absorbed way of thinking. What is right for you may not be right for someone. What is comfortable for you may be extremely uncomfortable for someone else. You have to stop expecting that your spouse operate at the same exact level as you, because simply put: they are NOT you! And for the record, the idea that an ideal or harmonious marriage must also be an entirely homogeneous one is totally off. As pretty and poetic as it may sound we are not expected to blend or fuse into one person in thought, action, and word when we get married. In other words, we dont lose our individuality. Rather, we need to respect each others differences by learning what they are and appreciating them as the facets that make up our partners and perhaps drew us to them in the first place. And then we need to learn how to COMPROMISE our differences for the sake of our marriage. Being fluent in the language of compromise is certainly not easy and will take time, but it makes marriage both beautiful and difficult at the same time, which if you think about it is analogous to life itself...we have moments of bliss and moments of tribulation and by being steadfast and patient, it will all balance out in the end, God-willing. sheikh umran
Posted on: Wed, 10 Sep 2014 17:45:47 +0000
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