Dear Diary: Monday, January 26th I woke up this morning out of a very unexpected peaceful sleep. I havent had a sleep like that pretty much all my life. It felt awkward at first, then calm, and then my first thought that came into my mind wasnt why it was who..and i felt deep love..but also struggling with letting him in as well. Its a scary thing for me to let the walls down and feel that someone will catch you and carry you because Ive never had that so I dont know what to think or feel. Or even how to do that. I guess Im afraid of the Monster that may come to surface and thats the worst part of me , and no one wants to show that side to of themselves to anyone because they have seen it from first person perspective. Its ugly and frightening. Your afraid of the judgement and think how can this person ever look at you the same if you show that part of yourself or even continue to love because I wouldnt be able to. Its time for me to learn how to do that Ive been shut down for so long afraid of who ill hurt with all this pain inside of me. This song I Posted is the song I listen to when i feel overwhelmed with all the emotions and feelings i have to endure 24/7 non-stop its the part of being BPD also known as borderline personality disorder. And I thank my past for that..I didnt realize i had this disorder until yesterday and everything makes sense now.. Now I have to learn to let go of all the pain and try to deal with the aftermath.. This song goes to my adopted parents who are dead and gone but still the abuse affects me still to this day. ~Valerie~ https://youtube/watch?v=Zg3pPHfnwyY
Posted on: Mon, 26 Jan 2015 14:21:03 +0000