Dear Facebook Guy, I would like to thank you for offering me an endless supply of quizzes to aid me in my quest to find my True Inner Self. You see, I say as I lie back on your Facebook Couch, I have been searching my soul trying to find meaning in this world, and I believe you have finally pinpointed exactly what I need to reach my destination. I must find a knife, or perhaps a bladed-glove just like the one my new idol sports, and begin stabbing people immediately. Thank you for enlightening me, Facebook Guy, with access to a quiz of this depth and magnitude. I intend to get in touch with my inner Freddy with haste. Love, your favorite, Angel. Dear Everyone Else, You can all relax now because it is quite possible that I will take care of the overpopulation of this planet single-handedly. The list of Three-Billion People This World Can Do Without begins with everyone who attends a church circa the 700 Club or later. If you are one of them, I urge you to get out now before I reach you on The List. Freddy Krueger now has purpose and meaning in life. Perhaps he can finally make a movie righteously. Wish me luck, Facebook Friends. I am seeking my higher power and ridding the world of waste one Crab Person at a time. The next thing I will need is a spaceship to send the dead bodies to Marklar where they belong. If you would like to contribute to the Spaceship Fund, please let me know quickly. I am hopeful that we will be able to fill this spaceship up with bodies by the end of this summer, 2014. We must move quickly before the waste-of-space oxygen-thieves steal all of our air. I estimate that I have roughly three-billion people on my side. You are the ones who will be saved. It is your duty to help me rid the world of waste. When I reach you, the people who are on my list of Three-Billion People This World Can Do Without, I would appreciate it if you did not fight me. I assure you, I will win in the end. Thank you in advance for your cooperation. Love, your favorite, Angel. Ps. Smiley face.’”
Posted on: Sun, 06 Jul 2014 18:43:26 +0000
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