Dear Followers, So today is October 24, In 4 days I will have been in a relationship for an entire month. Yes I know its not that long and I have been with ppl way longer but this is a special thing to me and I will explain why. On October 28 I will have spent a month with someone who just blows me away. Ive never been so happy in my life. Were talking about a man I cant even stay mad at for longer than a min or two. A man who when my legs get weak he carries me threw it. A man who wipes any tears away. A man who I feel safe just knowing hes in my life. I cant thoroughly explain how I feel because I am still only learning myself. I can say my life has never been so vivid in my 22 (almost 23 :( ) years. He makes me feel, think, act, & say things I never dreamed I would. I learned a long time ago fairytales were only on t.v. I actually got paranoid for my daughter to watch them bc it wasnt a reality. I didnt want her to grow up thinking love was just like in the movies and be faced with the heartbreak that I have. All threw trying to keep her heart safe, I came to face my worst nightmare. Moving on. See I get comfortable and then I dont want to start over. I was raised by my grandparents where when something was broke we fixed it, we didnt just throw it out. I was like this for so many years But I began to grow tiresome of no one else doing this. For lack of an excuse I lowered myself to society standards. Which was the crappiest thing I could ever do. Now I have this amazing person in my life and I dont even know how to hold on to him when things get hard or scary. Id rather run away when things begin to get serious or look to be going downhill. Its a protection thing. I shield myself so it doesnt hurt so bad. the problem is with this one. I dont want to shield myself but with that being said I dont want to get hurt either. Life has been pretty unfair to me if u ask me. Yet at the same time it has been wonderful to me. I have learned a lot and seen light at the end of each and every tunnel I have come to pass. All this has made me stronger and smarter. Yet here is a man who loves not only me but my two kids unconditionally, even when I am having a complete meltdown he still is here. But I fight so hard to push him away rather than embracing what is in front of me. Something great. Something rare. Something unknown to me. So Ill leap one last time. Its a fly or die situation. I cant really explain it. Other than I feel like Im standing at the edge of a cliff. Wind blowing directly against my back. My hair whipping me in the face (my past). A silent tear rolls down my cheek (Fear). Dog tags hanging from my neck (Security/safety). A Canyon Below With Deep Ridges and drop offs (my heart). On the other side of the canyon is lush green grass (future). All I have to decide is weather to turn back and face the wind or take a jump to get to the lush green grass. As I can see if I step to shallow I will be hurt. Yet if I jump all the way I could possibly try to make it to that lush grass on the other side. I take a deep breath............... AND JUMP!!!! To be continued.....
Posted on: Thu, 24 Oct 2013 13:54:36 +0000
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