Dear Mr Manager of the Miami Marriottcontinentalhyatt. I understand from a member of your staff that you change the bed sheets here in this hotel twice very seven days. I asked the maid first and she smiled and said “Si, si” which is Spanish of course for “I have no idea what this fat bastardo is saying to me.” So I asked the front desk and they said they changed the sheets twice a week. Now I asked this not because I had left vast amounts of pubic shrubbery on them but because I had just broken in some new sheets these past two nights which had become soft and comforting and yet today I see they have been changed again and tonight I will be sleeping between two brand new sheets which are so stiff they might as well have the Viagra logo on them. Please stop changing my sheets, once every week is enough Your sincerely John Heald Room 111 Thinking about this I have realised that I have never, ever changed a bed sheet. My Mum did it for me, various Ketuts have done it for me on the ships and Heidi, of course, now does this for me. And I bet many men reading this would probably if left up to them ever change the sheets either. You see, ladies love nothing more than nice fresh vanilla bath and body works bollocks-smelling bed sheets which is why, in a marriage they do all the sodding sheet changing. I realise that if it were left up to me then I would leave it until the bed bugs are holding their noses shouting “It stinks down here, for God’s sake change the sheets.” I am now realising that the one period of time when I didn’t have a Ketut or Heidi when I was living as a young bachelor that I got bugger all rumpy pumpy. I was 19 and had my tiny flat (apartment) and maybe it was because I never ever changed the sheets that when I brought a girl back to my place and showed the “bedroom” that nothing happened. Yep, dirty sheets may have been the answer………..that and the fact that at 19 years old I had an A -Team duvet and 12 copies of Big Jugs magazine on the bedside table.
Posted on: Sun, 05 Oct 2014 21:34:06 +0000
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