Dear Zane: I love you advice, you give it out raw but with care. I was hoping to get some of that advice. I would like to stay anonymous but I have no problem with it being on facebook. I am married to a man who is 11 years older then me. We both came into the relationship with children: I had 1 he had 5. He took to my son with no problem and has really been the only Dad my son has known (his bio-dad is, well, a deadbeat). I have a very close relationship with 3 of his children but with the oldest boys it has been a little ruff. One boy speaks to us and is a part of our lives but we just arent close. His other son, sadly we just recently met. His mother took him away from my husband when he was a baby. We found him on Facebook 2 years ago. We have tried really hard to include him in our family. We even paid for him to move to the town we live in. The problem we are having now is his girlfriend. When we brought him here she had kicked him out and he had no where to go. He came here and a week later they were back together and she moved here into our home with her child. It was ok at first but then there was a argument between father and son. She decided to yell at my husband; I had to walk away because I didnt want it to get worse. When the dust cleared we all sat down and talked. I told her that she is a guest in my home and needs to act accordingly. I didnt realize I had hurt her feelings, they moved out and almost immediately she started turning my son against us. It started with her feeling disrespected by the guest comment and then went into her own delusion that we are talking behind her back. My son came to us and we said that until she apologized we didnt want her around, instead of apologizing she started sending me disrespectful texts. My son still said he would separate us. It worked out for about a month, his birthday came and we threw a family celebration. She then got mad because we posted pictures of the party. He decided to take her side and he and my husband had a huge blow up. My husband often sticks his foot in his mouth and when my son threatened my husband, my husband returned with a “I brought you in I’ll take you out” type comment. Now my son is telling everyone that my husband is going to kill him. I dont know were to go from here with this situation. My husband has called and apologized, made sure his son knows he loves him and tried to take the first step but, sadly he hasnt responded. At this point, even though I feel like the girl is disrespectful and is the source of the problem, I think I should try to have a conversation with her and fix this. We want our family to be a unit but it seems like it cant be that way. Any suggestions would help. We are at a loss and really hurting. Thank you in advance. MY RESPONSE: Personally, I would let them do them until they learn some respect. I can understand your husbands desire to get to know his son that he was not afforded the opportunity to raise and that is the point. He did not raise him so that close connection established during childhood may never be there and he has no control over what kind of personality traits the son has. In other words, the son is grown and set in his ways but that does not mean that you have to allow his nasty attitude to be revisited on you. He and his girlfriend need to learn how to act and they will not do that as long as people are bending over backwards to make them content. Pray for them and feed them with a long-handled spoon. Your husband made an attempt with no response. I would wait it out. Chances are that things will not work out between him and the girlfriend anyway but for him to threaten to kill his own father in his own home is a deal breaker. You have to realize that you all do not know what he is capable of and people today are doing the most.
Posted on: Fri, 22 Nov 2013 20:08:15 +0000
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