Dear baby boy,I miss you Today is your third birthday. the first time Ive ever not woken you up with a kiss on your birthday..after your party, you go back with your dad till saturday..i will miss you. i miss you all of the time. i miss you like only your mother could miss you.since the day you were born,you have always slept by my side.you were always there to wake me up in the morning with your happy little smile and a cartoon marathon.its impossible for me to sleep without hearing you breathe those tiny little breaths and snoring that little snore.i stay up at nights because youre not here to cuddle up to me.you make me brave.when you sleep by my side I have enough courage to fight off any boogeyman or dark monster in the world.when you are not here..I have no one to protect but myself,and what am I when youre not here?? I know youre safe,that gives me comfort and knowing and remembering I get you back in a little while helps me forget the pain for a little bit but until I am holding you in my arms...I am hurting.until you were born,I didnt know I could miss someone so much that it literally hurts.i feel like a piece of every part of me is missing when youre gone.i see other mothers with their children and get jealous.youre safe,but where are you at this moment? What are you doing? Am I missing out on a smile or one of your laughs??? My world just stops.sure,I laugh and try to make jokes when Im around people but I know I wont truly laugh until youre back with me,and you do one of your little 2 year old shenanigans and I cant hold in the laughter.youre my son..youre my whole world... ....I feel like Ive failed you...I wanted you to have ..sooo much..I tried to give it to you.i tried ,I really did and I hope someday in the future you will see that.i hope I can still give you every other possible good thing.iwas young when I was blessed with you...I wasnt ready to be a lot of things when you came into my life and for that Im sorry.im sorry I couldnt be those things even though I tried.but I will never be sorry for the time you came into my life.because of all the things I apparently wasnt good at being,I WAS meant to be a mother,I was meant to be your mother,and I know Im good at that.God blessed me..i know it in my heart and I wont fail you when it comes to that.ever. You make me a better person.by having you,I have learned patience,kindness,trust,love,honesty,forgiveness and to see the brighter side of people and life.you are everything good in this world to me.i am not perfect by any means..Ive been bruised,broken,and scarred...but any good I had in me got put into you.i look at you and realize my purpose in life..I look at you and even on my crappiest day,realize that Im good at something and am still a good person. I realize God put you in my life for a reason and chose me for a reason to carry you and raise you.when I look at you,everything clicks.when Im without you .....I just try to remember that... When youre older please dont hate me for the things Ive failed at..I dont hate my parents,but it took me a long long time to realize that things dont go as we hoped or planned sometimes..and that sometimes they work out for the better..God is the only one who knows our hearts and our true trials.and I also hope you see that there is nothing I wouldnt do for you.youre my son.ill back you up, even if you are wrong (although advice will be given).i will always be there if you need someone to brag to or cry to.i will always be there to listen,dust you off,and try to mend your tears and breaks.i will always remind you that GOD heals all wounds,even if it takes time..but i hope my past mistakes will never wound you.i will always love you.no matter who else comes along in this world,you will always hold the biggest and most important spot in my heart and soul.i love you roo.. -love,momma
Posted on: Fri, 15 Nov 2013 22:04:08 +0000
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