Dear friends, I share alot - almost everything - of my mind, heart, and life events with you..sometimes I do it because it makes me feel better and sometimes I do it because I think someone else might benefit from it. I know that most of you are mostly touched by the details of what has happened to me, and maybe the first thing that jumps into your minds when you think of me is the strength and courage you see in me. But there are so many other aspects of the story. The one closest to me is the spiritual experience, and the journey I had and still have to take to find peace with my life and be able to go on. And as I said its a journey, there are so many revolutionary moments..moments of enlightment that I cant just put them in one status. So Ive started to write them in a proper way and hope someday I can share them with you. But the last couple of days Ive had a rich spiritual experience that I think shouldnt be postponed till later. So Im sharing it with you fresh and forgive me in advance it might be a little too long. Theres a dedicated department for spiritual care here at NIH. They send chaplains to patients to make them feel better and tell them they are not alone and stuff like that. They could be any relegion and could minister to patients with any relegion beacause they are not trying to change or infleunce anybodys faith. They just try to ease any human pain in common human ways. I get visits from many chaplains, whoever is available, and every time they would ask me what I want to talk about, I say I want to talk about God. There are alot of things that you realize while talking about something. You will even notice that you are actively thinking and generating new ideas about the topic while talking. And if for nothing but this, talking about God is the most joyful thing I would do. It never gets old. Theres always something new because God is endless and limitless. There will always be a deeper level to know God. So one of the chaplains who happened to visit me several times was leaving back to her institution. It was her last day, I was asleep, and she left me this beautiful note on the back of an article: Sanaa, It has been my honor to minister to you, and I thank you for all you have shared with me and taught me. This article reminded me of one of our conversations, espesially the prayer at the end. Gods peace be with you always my sufi friend, Linda Put aside the joy and gratitude I felt to know Ive touched someones heart that she would leave me a note on her last day and that she actually thinks that I taught her something. Put aside the joy and satisfaction I had when she called me her sufi friend. And Ive always wanted to be a proper sufi, ever since I was 15 years old. And to my friends who get apprehensive when they hear the word sufi, please know what original sufism is about which is maqam el e7san, and dont judge it by the people who took it to a faulty extreme. So no, I dont believe that I am one with God or that I ever will be. I only try to worship God as if I see him..and I if I dont see him then Ill see him in a different way, and ofcourse he sees me. So put all that aside and lets talk about that article and the last prayer my chaplain was referring to. The article talks about what you should pray for when someone having a difficult time, say an incurable fatal disease, asks you to pray for him/her. I made some trivial changes and some deletions so that it could fit all beliefs. At the beginning it talks about two main ways to pray; Ill call the first one resurrection. Its a call for a miracle. You just say; God...restore this man in mind and body.. Theres a big part of you that wants to pray this prayer. You want God to show some compassion, some change, some action...you wonder if you should have more faith and expect God to do amazing things everyday. But youve also seen hopes dashed, this disease ends only one way, and part of you cant even say the word heal because it seems that healing just isnt going to happen. the other conventional kind of prayer is the prayer of incarnation...our bodies and minds are fragile, frail, and sometimes feeble. Theres no guarantee that life will be easy, comfortable, fun, or happy. The prayer of incarnation says; God... Visit my friend, give him patience to endure what lies ahead, hope for every trying day, and compasion to show him your love. theres a third kind - a prayer of transfiguration. It goes like this: God,in thier times of their bewilderment and confusion, show my friends your glory, that they may find a deeper truth to their life than they have ever knew, make firmer friends than they ever had, discover reasons for living beyond what theyd ever imagined, and be folded in your grace like never before. Isnt that what Ive been living lately? And yet every time someone asks me to pray for him/her I only do the first two kinds. It never occurred to me to pray the third one although this is what we all really need. It would suffice and make us forget any other wishes. It wouldve helped those who lost their way to God in the times of extreme pain. And I dont know what angel was praying that prayer for me, and it frightens me to realize how lucky I am to witness this happen in my life and in my heart. The last few sentences in the article say; Maybe this is your real prayer for your friends and for yourself: Make this trial and tragedy, this problem and pain, a glimpse of your glory, a window into your world. Let me see your face, sense the mystery in all things, and walk with angels and saints. Bring me closer to you in this crisis than I have ever been in calmer times. Make this a moment of truth, and when I cower in fear and feel alone, touch me, raise me, and make me alive like never before. Gods peace be with you all.. Sanaa
Posted on: Fri, 06 Jun 2014 06:22:44 +0000
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