Dearest Friends of the Upper Crust- We write you this day, not to tell you of impending performances by the Upper Crust, for there are none until August; nor to tell you of Their Lordships’ doings, for they are already embarked upon their summer vacations, and thus not doing anything—but rather to pass the time, which, being unaccustomed to solitude and idleness in our Masters’ absence, weighs heavily upon us. And so we ask you… would you like to go to the beach with us? We have an inflatable hobbyhorse and a striped bathing costume that daringly exposes our hands, feet and head. We are not, admittedly, very young; but neither are we old enough to warrant immediate interment. We seek a companion, understanding and patient of our deficiencies, for we have been employed our whole life in the service of our betters, and have not the wherewithal to know what it means, quite simply, to enjoy ourselves. Our ideal friend would be, of course, young and beautiful; so young and beautiful in fact as to represent the diametric opposite of our own decrepitude and general plainness of appearance, for, let it be known, we were never in the best of times exemplars of masculine beauty, and toil and care have engraved their signatures into the patina of age that, we like to think, enriches our features. What we would enjoy by way of activity we are at a loss to relate… for, at the risk of redundancy, we have never been at liberty to disport ourselves as others do. We are told that long walks on the beach, holding hands, are pleasant; also, dining by candlelight and exchanging intimacies over a glass of wine we can well imagine a worthy use of our time. We have often waited upon others whilst they were engaged in similar activities, and they seemed to be enjoying themselves. There—we have made our appeal. Now we shall sit back and await the response. We are sure the most difficult part shall be sifting through the embarrassment of enthusiastic offers that will shortly be showered upon us. So do not hesitate, if you conform to our belle ideal, and reply forthwith, as we remain, Your expectant friend, Bumbles Secretary and Manservant to Their Lordships the Upper Crust
Posted on: Fri, 06 Jun 2014 21:34:00 +0000
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