Dearest friends and family, How crazy and marvellous is it that in one click of a button I will be able to share with all of you, wherever you may be, something heavy on my heart. As you know, my life has been a bit hellish this past year. By association, I may have made your life a bit hellish too. Living with chronic pain day in and day out has changed me. I am less patient, less giving, less attentive, less positive, and simply I less fun to be with. I feel as though some evil spirit has possessed my body. I hear this flat monotone voice when I speak and I don’t even recognize myself. As time goes on, I know how old it must be for you to hear me talk about my aches and pains. So am I actually, but I am stuck. I would not blame you for a second if you wondered at one time or another if I might be exaggerating or even faking. How could you really know? Chronic pain is invisible. It is not like a broken arm where you can see an injury. Chronic pain is also so unpredictable. One day I am fine. One day I am hurting on the right. The next day I am hurting on the left. How absurd that must appear to you? I have had to change plans at the last minute or even cancel them all together because of pain. I know how hard that must be for you even if logically you understand. Disappointment is disappointment. I cannot do many of the things I used to do by myself. I hate that I have had to depend on you and others not once, not twice, but regularly. I hate that you may have felt burdened at times. I have often felt sick at the thought of having to ask for help once again. I am in a sink or swim situation. If I don’t seek help, I drown. Because of you I have been able to keep it all together so long. I think of each and every one of you and all that you have done for me. I am overwhelmed with gratitude. You have been so good to me. Thank you! I am hopefully very close to the end. I am told my new surgery date will be in September. I will work hard to rehabilitate myself and get back to being strong, helpful, patient, funny, and full of life. I cannot wait to get back to work, be active with Aimee, visit my friends and begin repaying all those favours, even though you never expected it.
Posted on: Mon, 18 Aug 2014 20:11:16 +0000
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