Despite my best efforts to be a strong, independent woman who can figure things out and get things done, especially since I have solutions engineer in my job title now, I failed miserably at auto mechanics today. Heres the story: Ken and I were driving off to our separate homes in our separate cars after watching the basketball game with friends. Just as I passed his car and started to wave to him, my left windshield wiper blade flew off, bounced up over my windshield, hit the top of my car, and rolled on behind me. I was on West 11th going about 35. Okay, maybe 40. I thought it was a branch, but couldnt figure out where it came from. Safety dictated I keep on driving. He was in a turn lane, didnt see it happen, and continued along on his merry way. As soon as my wiper with the missing blade started scraping the windshield, I realized what happened. And turned off the wipers, of course. I drove past a couple of autoshop-ish stores, all closed. I pulled into the nearest gas station, and asked the kid who filled my tank what wiper blade store might still be open, and which ones to get and how to put them on. He said Walmart, and thered be a chart to tell me which blades to get, and that theyre super easy to put on, there are directions in the package. So I drove back down West 11th to Walmart. I dont want this to turn into an anti Walmart rage. I do shop there a few times a year, when Im up for it, usually for garden stuff, Cliff bars, and jog bras. It kind of stresses me out, though. Last year a fist fight almost broke out between two couples, one who had an infant and a toddler who were both crying in the cart while their parents screamed at another couple who somehow disrespected them while we were all in line. And the other couple screamed back. The rest of us just watched and avoided eye contact, and pulled our children in closer. The 20 year old, 100 pound clerk kept quiet and kept checking. I have not seen that happen at Trader Joes. Yet. Anyway, I called my daughter, whos home sick, and told her Id be late because of a minor windshield wiper issue. She asked for saltines and soup, which is the bonus of Walmart, really. One stop shopping. As I made my way to the wiper blade aisle, I tried to ignore the man in sporting goods arguing with the woman clerk about buying a gun. She said the clerk who sold guns was on his lunch and she couldnt sell a gun, and hed need to wait an hour. The gun man was not happy. I felt myself tense up, and forced all images of shooting rampages out of my head, reminding myself that it was very unlikely he would start shooting because he didnt actually HAVE a gun yet. Probably. I wanted to leave right then, but the happy Michelin man was smiling at me from 20 rows of wiper blade packages by that time, so I made a funny vine to remind myself how silly this all was, which cheered me for 30 seconds. I flipped through the handy chart, which was right there just like the gas station kid said, to find Honda Accord 2005. I found the wiper blade number I needed. I chose the Bosch wipers, because the last guy who replaced them at Lube It USA told me they were the best and last the longest, which is true, I have not had to replace them for at least a year, I think. He did not say they might fly off my car on West 11th while waving to my boyfriend but I digress. I bought the wipers. I thought there were wiper-s, plural. I just assumed they came in sets. Because Ive always bought two, from the Jiffy Lube Guy. He never sells me one. I also bought the Saltines, and two kinds of soup. I refrained from buying jog bras, but I did see a cute hot-pink Dansko tech running shirt for $12 that spoke to me. I went to my car and realized there was only one wiper in the package. Which was fine, because I only needed one. So theres that. I spent 6 minutes trying to put the wiper blade on. The picture wasnt as clear as it might seem. There wasnt a close up detail of where exactly the hook should hook into. It did seem easy, it just wouldnt click in the way I thought it needed to. A young couple with an old truck pulled up next to me. I asked them for help. He can help you, she said. He fiddled with it for a while, and then she looked at it, flipped it around, and snapped it in to place. Ah. We had it backwards. Makes sense. She is probably an engineer. Except, dang it, the damn wiper blade was too long. You got the wrong kind, he said. But I looked at the chart, I said. I thought I got the right number...wait. Do you think theres a right and a left? I said. Maybe, he said. I looked at the package. It had a number with an A after it. Dang it, I said. I bet I need the B. So I went back in, googled YouTube videos about changing wiper blades on Honda Accords and are there right and left wiper blades? as I stood in a long line to return the A. Yes, said Google. I went back and got the Bs. Ken called to see how I was doing. He was done with his errands and could come help me before he drove back to Brownsville, he said. It seemed like I was on the home stretch now. I could figure it out, I told him. Because I am strong and invincible, and he had kids to get home to. I sure did wish he was there helping me, though. Hes pretty good at reading directions. I got back to the car and started over. It was easier this time. I felt proud for 2 seconds. Dang it. The blade was still too long. It flopped over the edge. I said the F word quietly but forcefully as a young man was walking up to his car, two rows over He looked at me and my wiper blade packaging all over the hood of the car and I could tell he was wondering if he should ask me if I needed help. But I had turned into an on-the-edge Walmart shopper that scared people like me. And him. So he didnt. I left the blade on and got in the car. I felt like crying. I was so done with Walmart. And wiper blades. I was done trying to figure things out. It wasnt raining. I knew Id make it the 3 miles home. Plus mommy guilt was taking over. My teenage kid wasnt sick when I left 3 hours earlier, but she was now, and she was home alone. I thought about my engineer friends, both men and women. And Ken, who changed the headlight in his car before he left. The difference between them and me? They would just keep going back in there and figuring out the next steps and the right spot on the chart until they got it right. Also theyd probably read the back of the package, which clearly stated that A wipers are for the drivers side and B wipers are for the passenger side (I saw that later.) But I didnt care anymore. Done is done is done. My tenacity had plum wore out. I drove home and gave my kid some Pepto Bismo and wrote this story. Ill figure out the wiper blades tomorrow.
Posted on: Sun, 06 Apr 2014 03:46:42 +0000
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