Don’t Let Go With all the talk and rage of letting go” and moving forward” and living in the present, there are some things I just do not want to let go of or move on from or just stay in the present with. One in particular, is a dream Karsten and I shared. A very specific vision of the future. When he died, I instantly saw my future and all our plans disappear. Sure, I still had my life, my children, my family, my friends, and I had what I needed to continue to live a level of the life I was living, but I was missing the key element, person, partner, friend, lover, AND co-dreamer. A week or so after, I remember telling someone about several of our future plans and I stubbornly said, “I am not letting go of THAT ONE!” “That one” happens to be the dream that was furthest out into the future for Karsten and I. It was the one that we said, “when the kids are grown, we will…” That one, was about us. But that is the one that I could not see myself letting go of, it was the one that was just so dreamy, but it also was such a part of my vision of what was meant to be, that I clung to it with 100% ownership and stubborn refusal of letting it disappear from my future. Funny thing is, within a few weeks, I realized I didn’t need to let go of anything that was ours because they were also mine, and I could keep them, I could do them, and I would live them for the both of us. Now, I realized I was the “key element, person, dreamer. I began living this way very early on. I would love to say it has been easy. I would love to say all the plans have been fulfilling without him. I would love to say that I have actually followed through on everything, but that is not the truth. Life has a way of changing our perspective, taking us different directions, and having many distractions, but that is part of the journey. Keep on keeping on. I have also experienced a loss of desire for some of these dreams. These, were mainly his, and I loved them because I loved him. Yet, without him, those particularly feel foreign to me and not easy for me to share with the kids, because it would have been him sharing it with all of us. So, I have let go and accepted those as lost dreams, or ones that will present themselves at a different time and place. Happily, I have many fun examples of the ones accomplished and I might share some in my writing, but for now, I want to go back to THAT ONE. All my baby steps are leading me to THAT ONE. THAT ONE, is the motivation behind living One Moment at a time. I want to tell you that it is still my vision and that vision does not have me there alone. It is one of Love and Connection and Sharing. It is a living breathing dream. It is still one where I see myself and my Love, set in the hills and in the vineyards, with a warm and cozy home, working and living out of this beautiful space, and sharing it with family, friends, and those that want to come to rest, relax, work, create, and be a part of a beautiful place. It is a vision of connection. Love. A place to have all those meaningful connections. So in reality, it could be anywhere, it could even be in the middle of nowhere. But, I see it where I have always seen it, a Heaven on Earth. Don’t Let Go. There are some things in life you just don’t need to let go of :) and the main one is Love. Please, never let go of THAT ONE! Living One Moment at a time, has “time as an infinite, relative, wonder that it is...remember time is an illusion….bring your future into the present! OM@t. (Meanwhile, currently creating a home for my kids is much of the same vision. Although, a lot of solo work, and just a bit more to their wants, needs, style, and chaos, but still LOVE and mix of heaven with a bit of hell… you know what I mean, you know…. a OM@t life.)
Posted on: Mon, 05 Jan 2015 00:44:14 +0000
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