*********************************** Draft Sharks Update August 26, 2001 Ban All NFL Nicknames ********************************** ** Well be updating player profiles for most of the day today. Well be done by 3 pm ET. If you still havent ordered, you can get immediate access to the Draft Guide by clicking on the link below. https://draftsharks/index.cfm?zone=mvporder ** Our own Dan Lewis has his own unique take on NFL nicknames. We thank Dan for raising our collective sensitivities. Ban em all! By Dan Lewis Ive been reading on another fantasy football website how the nicknames Redskins and Chiefs will not be used when describing the teams in Washington and Kansas City. It seems that the R and C words are just too insulting to American Indians. Well, I say its about time! These team nicknames ARE offensive. I cant believe the NFL even allows such things! But we cannot stop by just banning the Redskins and Chiefs. We need to ban ALL of the team nicknames -- because each and every one is an ugly insult to somebody or something. Come on, you say? Not every team nickname is offensive! Oh contraire! And Im prepared to prove it. Lets take care of nearly half the league in one fell swoop. Fifteen NFL teams are names after animals. So what could be wrong with calling yourself an Eagle, a Dolphin or a Seahawk? Plenty! People for the Ethical Treatment of animals says, and I quote, that animals are not ours to eat, wear, experiment on, or use for entertainment. There you have it. PETA says we cant use animals for ENTERTAINMENT. Football is entertainment. So say goodbye to the following nicknames: Cardinals Falcons Ravens Bills Panthers Bears Bengals Broncos Lions Colts Jaguars Dolphins Eagles Rams Seahawks And what about the Packers? They honor the people who slaughter and package some of these fine animals PETA loves so much! Ban em! Speaking of slaughter, do we really need to be celebrating rapists and pillagers? I say NO WAY! So its time to ban the Vikings, Raiders and Buccaneers. And then we have the Patriots. A bunch of white males who cried liberty and justice for all while at the same time disenfranchising women and minorities? What an insult! Ban em. The Cowboys? How dare they celebrate the very people who slaughtered the Redskins in the first place? Ban em! The Saints? Cant believe Americans for the Separations of Church and State ever let this team off the hook. Ban em. The Giants and the Titans? They make short people feel bad. And as far as Tennessee goes, any state responsible for giving us 8 long years of having to listen to Al Gore ought to suffer as much as possible. Ban em. The Jets? These polluters of the air make most members of the Audubon Society blanch. Cant have that. Ban em. Steelers? Yes, they too must be banned. Steel workers pollute the environment, just like the Jets. Ban em. Now we come to the Chargers. Thought you might get me on this one, didnt you? Nope. The Chargers might remind all those poor people in California that they have no electricity. Cant make those crunchy-granola left-coasters feel bad! This also doesnt doesnt promote energy efficiency. Ban em. The 49ers? People who raped the land in order to satiate their greed for gold! Thats a no brainer. Ban em. Then we come to the Browns. Im not sure whats so bad about a Brown, but frankly anything coming out of Cleveland is an insult to the rest of us. Ban em! And, my friends, there are the Houston Texans. Texas used to be part of Mexico, and the Mexicans havent forgotten it. Lets not get an entire country mad at us. Ban em before they incite a war with our neighbors to the south! So there you have it. We simply cant stop with banning the Redskins and the Chiefs. For the sake of the children, every NFL team name.
Posted on: Sat, 24 May 2014 21:05:47 +0000
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