During the year of 1980 I lived in Dublin and unlike the drinking dens and nightclubs in the UK those in Eire would stay open until 4 am. This particular day I had gained a lot of money from the sales of illegal contraception shields, which was my way of earning cash in the early days of arriving in the city. I had a stall offering a lost leader and would sell these umbrellas under my counter at an indoor market in St Stephens Green, situated north of the Liffey river. With the extra unexpected money I treated myself to a nice Italian suit. So this one night I was staggering home through a vast open grass park and I could see my flat in the visible distance but I had a slight dilemma as I had came up against two obstacles which were railway tracks with high fences. Did I face the arduous trek of walking the long way around the park? It would of taken me so much longer. Or did I climb the fences and arrive home so much quicker? Easy, decision the lines were not electric so I went for option two I managed the first hurdle without a glitch and tip toed over the rails carefully as I was sloshed, plus more importantly just in case my initial assumption about the Irish transport system was wrong. The second climb proved to be a far harder task and I got entangled in the safety barb wire mesh on the top. After frantic unsuccessful attempts to not damage my newly purchased suit I eventually got more ensnared and like a helpless animal I was trapped,and, as my Armani or whatever night disco dancing attending attire was by now that shredded it could be passed off as ribbons or off-cuts. So combined with all the John Travolta moves earlier and after all my failed attempts by pulling and tugging to break free I thought although positioned like a dangling dead pig for sale in a butchers shop window, I decided to rest a few moments to regain the lost energy I had employed and try again later but similar to a tired overworked third world farmer on the job I fell asleep but of course still obviously dangling upside down. About 2 or 3 hours later I was awoken by the noise of people shuffling around on a platform that I was previously unaware of. With the shock and horror of embarrassment unlike earlier, I wrenched myself free in desperation and as the train route partitioned right through a park. Like a scene from the ending of the film One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest where the Indian escaped I ran as fast as a sobered up and fit 20 year old could manage but I did not escape the sight from the observing eyes of the train catching commuters for several minutes. So with my clothes resembling a human turned Hulk I did not reach an unobserved sanctuary for hundreds and hundreds of yards. I will never know what the platform onlookers must of thought firstly seeing a young man dangled lifeless upside down and secondly a vanishing semi-clad streaker running through a park with no apparent place of finish! TO BE TOLD ON STAGE IN APRIL WISH ME LUCK A BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF MY STORY.
Posted on: Mon, 10 Mar 2014 12:06:27 +0000
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